Meet the Staff of Chrysalis Jewelry

Since I run a small jewelry business, a few weeks ago I decided to have a little fun with my "business" and promote my pets into positions in my company.  All they do is sleep, eat, and act as pets, so they might as well contribute to the bottom line.  So for your reading pleasure, I present the staff of Chrysalis Jewelry.

This is Anna Banana the Twitter Cat.  She is the Director of Social Media.  I'm not sure what it is about Twitter, but Anna likes to sit on my lap or shoulder as I tweet or Facebook.  It is actually quite humorous.  I can tell her I'm on Twitter and she'll come running.  Anna is a people cat.  She enjoys hanging out with her humans.  If I am away from her for a certain length of time, I get a tongue lashing when I return.  She will be very vocal and meow at me until she has said her piece. Aaron brought Anna home from his parents' farm when the other half of her litter disappeared overnight (we assume coyotes).

This is Mr. Holstein. He has a tough job. He is the Director of Lounging and the Director of Public Relations. He greets all customers who come for a studio tour.  Mr. Holstein is also very vocal.  He loves when new people come to the house.  He is very friendly and has quite the personality.  I have had a number of visitors threaten to take him home with them.  I always have to check my mother's luggage before she leaves our house to make she hasn't stashed Mr. Holstein in her Samsonite.  If he isn't being gregarious, you can typically find Mr. Holstein napping somewhere which is why he is perfectly suited for the Director of Lounging position. Mr. Holstein is also from Aaron's parents' farm.  I thought we should get a friend for Miss Yoda.  Mr. Holstein had other ideas.  As we were trying to load him in the car, he escaped and it took Aaron and his two brothers to coax him out from under the chicken house.

Meet Gus. He is the Director of Feline and Canine Relations. He's kind of like our HR guy, except we don't employ any humans. Gus is  a very caring cat.  Gus acts like the "mommy" cat for our staff.  He also visits the dogs and the humans to make sure everything is going well. Gus is pictured with our Director of Lounging, Mr. Holstein. Gus is also from the farm and picked Aaron as his human.  Any time Aaron came out the back door, there Gus would be.  He even went fishing with Aaron a few times on the farm.

Meet Nina, the Head of our Shipping Department. In this picture she is showing Gus, our Director of FCR, how to properly ship items. Remember, if it fits, it ships!  Nina is the sister of Anna the Twitter Cat.  Nina loves to inspect all the boxes that come in.  She loves it when Mr. Holstein called for corporate nap time.  Then she can curl up in the current package she is working on and take a nap (we all know boxes make the best napping spots).

Meet Teddy. He is the Head of Quality Assurance. If he can't break it, you're good (Paws up!)!  Teddy is a good boy who started his young life by being dumped on the side of the road.  One of my husband's coworkers found the litter of dumped puppies and brought them to work.  Being the kind soul my husband is, he brought Teddy home with him.  Teddy is a good dog and loves everyone.  He just doesn't understand how big he is.  He once hit my dinning room hutch with his tail and sent a picture (which had been securely positioned near the top of the hutch) crashing to the floor.  "Bull in a China shop" comes to mind when it comes to Teddy.

Meet Abby, of Director of Security. Don't let her smile fool you, she has a mean bite!  If you don't believe me, just ask my mother-in-law!  Years ago when my mother-in-law first met Abby, she turned her back on her and Abby bit her in the butt (true story).  We got Abby from the Wal-Mart parking lot when she was about four months old and she did not have the best start in life.  I can only guess there was something about Claudia's look or smell that reminded Abby of her former owner.  Abby is a good dog, very smart, and does not like conflict.  If the cats are wrestling near her, she quickly puts an end to it.  I don't think she understands that they are playing.

Meet Valkyrie, our Studio Dog. She serves as our Chief Operations Officer. She keeps our Designer, Melissa, in line. Melissa has been known to take off and go antiquing from time to time.  Valkyrie was adopted from the Rockwall Pound when we first moved to Texas.  After we adopted her she went immediately to the vet to be spayed.  I picked her up a couple of days later and spent the day getting to know her.  When Aaron arrived home from work, she didn't want to let him in the door.  Valkyrie has been my buddy ever since.  She would spend all day every day with me if she could.  She does enjoy going out to my studio with me to keep me company.  She is also very good at napping and appreciates it when Mr. Holstein calls for corporate nap-time.

Meet Mr. Muscles, our Loss Prevention Officer. Making sure jewelry is paid for is serious business. Making sure Milkbones aren't embezzled is even more serious!  We got Mr. Muscles shortly after we got Valkyrie so she would have a friend to play with.  He has been known to guard a number of items.  Tennis balls, brand new bags of cat chow, Milkbones, packages of jerky treats.  If it's food and he can guard it, he will!

Meet Miss Yoda, the Head of our Complaint Department. On a good day, complaining customers will only get a look of disdainful indifference from Miss Yoda. On bad days, they will receive an atomic stink bomb. Hope for a good day...trust me. Yoda is a five pound wonder.  We got her from a Dallas area rescue group as a kitten.  Her mother had been killed by a dog when she was two weeks old and Yoda was then bottle fed.  She has always been very petite, but she has a look that could kill.  Even worse are her farts.  I'm not sure how something so tiny can create such a massive stink!  If you see her running from the litter box, hold your breath and walk away!

So there you have my staff.  The dogs are perfectly fine to work for kibble and belly rubs.  On the other hand, the cats have unionized (the United Feline Union) and I get brought to the bargaining table often to renegotiate for kitty treats.  The cats are tough negotiators.  If you would be so kind, please help support my staff by buying some of my jewelry.  You can find my Etsy shop at http://www.etsy.com/shop/chrysalisjewelrytx

Until Tomorrow - Melissa

The Wisdom of Margaret Thatcher

When I was a child, Ronald Reagan was President of the United States and his British counterpart was Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher.  I don’t remember much about her (do elementary school children pay attention to the news?);  I just know she was a force to be reckoned with.  I recently ran across a quote of hers and I really liked it.  Margaret Thatcher said “Power is like being a lady... if you have to tell people you are, you aren't.”

While I understand Margaret is talking about being powerful, I like her comparison.  If you are a true lady, people know it; you don’t have to tell them.  I have been thinking lately (especially with the stories my husband, a high school science teacher, comes home with daily) “When did being a lady go out of style?”

If I think about “ladies” who have been in my life, the first example that comes to mind is my Grandma Mizell.   She had a grace and presence about her.  She was into big sparkly things.  I remember her wearing big fabulous rings and broaches.  She also had a lot of scarves.  She had this 1940’s movie star glamor about her.  She was always very proper.  I remember a summer (1993 I believe) when we were visiting.  My brother Mike and I were doing laundry.  I don’t recall if we were taking laundry out or bringing laundry in, but Mike asked me to take my DAMP jeans.  Grandma Dear misheard him and oh boy did Mike get a tongue lashing.  Grandma thought Mike had used a four letter word that starts with D and that was just unacceptable.  Of course she felt very sheepish when Mike could get a word in edgewise and explained to her that he said damp, as in wet.

When I think of a lady, I think of someone who is prim and proper.  Someone who is gracious and courteous.  A lady has an air of elegance about her that cannot be defined.  A lady dresses properly.  She does not have to show all kinds of skin to let people know she is attractive.  A lady uses proper language and has a decent vocabulary to get her point across.

My question is, when did being a lady go out of style?  I cringe when I go to the mall and see all the eight year old prost-i-tots.  I see teenagers who are showing more skin than not and acting like run-of-the-mill trollops.  I can’t quite pinpoint when it happened.  The Victorian ladies covered EVERYTHING.  It was completely improper to be seen publicly without wearing a corset.  Fashions relax a little with the Edwardian Era.  Hem lines were raised in the 20’s.  Women cut their hair short and flappers were the in thing.  Even with this relaxed fashion, you still had ladies, you still had standards. But over the decades the fashion continued to loosen and so did the standards.  Am I blaming fashion?   Heck no.  That’s like blaming gun violence on guns.  But I see a correlation.  It seems the looser acceptable fashion gets, the looser our standards get (which implies our morals or societal mores have changed).

Am I advocating we go back to the Victorian days where we all wear corsets and floor length skirts?  No, I am not (although I do think it would be super cool…some of the time).  What I am advocating is today’s young girls cover it up, leave something to the imagination.  Become ladies, in appearance and action.  It is not cool to have a baby daddy.  It is really not cool to have multiple baby daddies.  That just makes you stupid.  Get an education, make something of yourself.  Learn to be prim and proper, to be gracious and elegant, to have an air about you.  Be a person that your granddaughter will write about.  Be a lady, and remember, if you are one, you won’t have to tell a soul.

Until tomorrow - Melissa

Small Business S.O.S

As many of you know, I recently started to focus on my jewelry business full time.  I have a Facebook page to show off my jewelry (my fan page), I have an Etsy shop, I tweet about my jewelry, and I even recently started a Google+ page for my jewelry.  In this day and age of social media, how does a “new” business get noticed?

There used to be a time when a business could just rely on word of mouth, good products, and great customer service; that was all a small business needed to succeed (okay, I’m probably oversimplifying, but you get my point).  Business is rapidly changing.  We have a global economy now.  How does one build his or her business to a successful, growing business when so many others fail?

I do not pretend to know the answers.  I don’t even pretend to run a “successful” business.  The purpose of today’s blog is to start a conversation between small business owners.  Maybe do a little brain storming, maybe even some networking.  If all of us artisans, craftsmen, and small businessmen (and women) are to survive (and thrive), we have to come up with new ways to do business.

Maybe I just don’t know what I’m doing.  Maybe you have some great advice.  Please share.  I would love to learn.  I am sure I’m not the only small business owner who would love to get some sage advice from someone who has a successful business.

Here is what I propose:  I am going to post this to my blog and then post on Facebook and Twitter.  If you read this blog, please post to the comment section any idea or advice you have.  Also, please tell me about your business, this way I can help you network.  Please be sure you leave links to any websites where you do business (Facebook, Etsy, etc.).  Hopefully this will spark ideas and help us all grow our business.

Until tomorrow - Melissa

My Shame

I have a number of addictions.  Gemstones, jewelry, lampwork beads, antiques.  Then I have my secret shame.  Prepare yourself, it is quite shameful and I can hardly admit it.  Okay…whew….I can do this.  My name is Melissa and I’m addicted to SHOES!

Some people nurse their addiction at a bar; I get my fix at DSW.  They have the best clearance rack!  And who doesn’t love to get their fix at 30, 40, or 50 percent off!  The selection on the clearance rack is always changing.  From really awesome heels to really cute flats, great athletic shoes to cute sandals.  The DSW clearance rack has them all!  It’s not just DSW.  I scope the shoe rack at any store that carries them.  You never know what gem you might find!

You may think this is a recent addiction.  No, this was something I learned from my mother.  She has fine taste in shoes (from the clearance rack, of course).  She was the Imelda Marcos of the clearance rack (okay, I kid.  Mom never had 2700 pairs of shoes.  If you don’t know who Imelda is – educate yourself http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imelda_Marcos ).  I fondly remember some of the best shoes I had as a kid.  The hot pink hi-top Chucks (Converse to those who aren’t in the know), my numerous pairs of jelly shoes (to go with my jelly purse and jelly band bracelets, of course.  A proper lady must accessorize!), and the piece de resistance – the black pair of granny boots (even back then I was obsessed with the Victorian era; lucky for me granny boots were in style).  I LOVED those granny boots.  They have been replaced with other pairs over the years.

In high school I loved my Mary Janes and my penny loafers.  Even though grunge reigned supreme in the 90’s, I never did get into the Doc Martens.   I was very fortunate that my feet stopped growing in the 6^th grade.  No longer was there a concern about outgrowing my favorite shoes (BTW – I’m sure you would find my Mary Janes if you looked through my stuff at my parents’ house).  The only concern now was wearing my favorites out.

Fast forward to a couple of years ago.  My addiction caught up to me.  There were shoes everywhere.  Shoes in the master bedroom closet.  Shoes in the guest room.  Shoes in the living room.  Shoes under the bed, under the couch, under the coffee table.  It was out of control and I was constantly asking my long-suffering husband to help me find the pair I needed for my outfit.  The conversation would go something like this:

                Me:  “Aaron – have you seen my black pumps?”

                Aaron (pulling a pair from the closet):  “Do you mean these?”

                Me : “No, the ones with the gold buckle.”

                Aaron (pulling another pair):  “These?”

                Me:  “No, the slides.”

                Aaron (pulling yet another pair):  “These?”

                Me:  “No, no – the Bandalinos.”

                Aaron:  “How many pairs of black shoes do you really need?  They all look the same!”

                Me:  “You’re a guy; you just don’t get it.”

Poor Aaron (“Saint Aaron” as he is known in some circles).  This was a conversation we would have almost daily.  So one evening I decided I must do something about it.  First step – admit you have a problem.  With Aaron’s help, I gathered up every shoe and put them all in the living room.  Then we proceeded to match and mate them all.  Then I figured out which ones I could live without.  Some were in bad condition and it was just time to say good-bye.  Some were never or rarely worn.  A number of these went in a donate pile.

I am happy to report about ¼ of the shoes went in the garbage.  About another ¼ went in the donate pile.  I patted myself on the back.  The remaining ½ went into crates, organized by type:  Summer, dress, heel, casual.  You get the point.  I then put myself on a “shoe diet”.  For about one year, I did not buy a new pair of shoes.  Then I needed some new sneakers.  

I can report to you my shoe addiction is more controlled.  I still buy cute shoes, just not as often.  I resist the urge to stop in at DSW and see what’s on the clearance rack.  But sometimes….the shoe is just too cute to pass up.

Until Tomorrow – Melissa

 I apologize for the poor quality, but this was the sorting of the shoes.

Pay It Forward

There are lots of friendly and helpful people in this world.  I would never have guessed that complete strangers would be willing to help me out and offer me advice, but they do.  These are people I have never met outside of cyberspace.  And no, cyberspace is not filled with pervs (I’m sure they are there, I just haven’t run across any).  As it turns out, it is filled with great people.

Earlier this year, my husband was REALLY into Twitter.  I couldn’t figure out what the attraction was.  Tweeting with people you don’t know?  No thanks, I’ll stick with Facebook.  My husband is not a fan of Facebook, continually telling me how much cooler Twitter was.  Okay, fine, I will try Twitter out and see what is up with it.  Why would anyone else in the world care about what I have to say in 140 characters or less (then again, why would you care about my blog?)?  So I started to tweet.  And I picked up a few fans.

As I stated in an earlier blog (“Never Stop Learning” http://melissa-randomthoughtsfrommelissa.blogspot.com/2011/11/just-keeplearning.html ) I try to learn a new skill every year.  Last year I took on two skills.  I not only started to learn chainmaille, but I also decided to try my hand at lampworking.  In the vein of the best way to learn is by doing, I bought a lampworking kit at Hobby Lobby.  It was a $99.00 kit and I had a 40% off coupon so I decided what the heck.  If I don’t like it, I haven’t wasted too much money.  I followed the directions and started to make beads.  I also reached out on Twitter to a couple of lampwork artists to ask for any advice.  One person responded, Maybeads.  She is a lampwork artist who creates whimsical animal beads.  Her beads ARE cute!  She responded to my call for help/advice.  I’m so glad she did.  The bead release that came with my kit was complete crap.   I broke about half the beads I made trying to get them off the mandrel.  Maybeads was kind enough to answer a number of my questions and tell me where she bought some of her supplies.  If you would like to check out Maybeads animal beads, you can find her Etsy store at http://www.etsy.com/shop/maybeads  .

“Never Stop Learning” was one of my early blogs.  A fellow blogger, Saturday Sequins, reached out to me.  I then looked up her blog.  She has a great blog so I started to follow her.  It turns out we have similar interests and we have had some similar experiences lately.  She was also getting ready to write her 50^th blog.  She ran a contest up to her 50^th blog.  She was going to give away a grab bag of sparkles and sequins.  I was so excited about the possibility of winning!  Of course, much like the lottery, I figured that I wouldn’t, but it was still fun to think about.  Guess what?  I won!  I was so excited!  My winnings arrived the other day and so far I have designed a pair of earrings with them (pictured at the end of this blog).  Saturday Sequins creates many lovely sparkly creations.  So far, I have seen her do a lot of work with seed beads and buttons.  I can’t wait to see what she does next.  You can follow her blog at http://www.saturdaysequins.com/ .

I could continue to blog about the great people I’ve “met” through Twitter, but that’s really not the point of today’s post.  The point is that people can be good and kind, perhaps someone who will answer a complete stranger’s questions or people who will help support and encourage people they have never met but with whom they share common interests.  I encourage you to act like these people and pay it forward.  Small business is the backbone of our economy and our nation.  I feel we must support these people and help them survive and thrive.  How does a small business compete with Wal-Mart and their every-other-commercial advertising budget?  A small business can’t.  I believe  the power to help small business is within each one of us.  If you go to a small mom and pop restaurant and love it, spread the word.  Tweet about it; put it on Facebook or whatever social media you use.  If you run across a small business that you like or you feel has great products or good service, let others know!  If you see someone who is starting in your line of business, don’t see it as competition; help them out if you can.  Answer a question or lend some advice.  I think if everyone’s business increases, we all win!

That’s just my two cents.  If you have two cents you’d like to put in, please leave a comment (Then we’d have four cents – ha!).  Remember, Pay it Forward!

Until Tomorrow – Melissa.

 Earrings made with some of my prize winnings

Jack Of All Trades…Master of None

You’ve heard the saying “Jack of all trades, master of none”.  In the last six weeks, boy have I learned that to be true.  I recently started to focus on my small jewelry business 100%.  I also learned very quickly, when it’s just you, you get to do a lot on your own and you get to wear a lot of hats (and not terribly stylish ones at that).

I’ve worked in a business environment for over 12 years now.  Some were smaller businesses, some were large businesses.  But I only had to worry about doing “my job” most of time.  There were other people to handle all the facets of the daily operations.

So I present to you, for your amusement and for my own personal gain of getting it down in writing to be transferred to my resume later…my various hats.

Jewelry Designer Hat – Since Chrysalis Jewelry (small plug here www.chrysalisjewelry.com) is an artisan jewelry business, I get to design the jewelry.  This hat is fun and I wish I had more time to do it.

Jewelry Fabricator Hat – Since it’s just me, I get to put into reality what that crazy designer comes up with.  Some days that designer can be really nasty (or just plain crazy, haven’t figured that out yet).  This usually ends in me cursing (aka jeweler’s Tourette’s) and sometimes me leaving the studio in a quite a snit. 

Procurement Hat – You know that fabricator and designer?  Yeah, they like to have tools and supplies on hand.  Which means not only do I have to find suppliers, but I have to keep inventory on hand.  Which can be challenging when the fabricator storms off in jeweler’s rage and forgets to tell me she used the last widget.

Accountant Hat – I get to pay the bills and do the taxes.  Glamorous, huh?

Human Resources Hat – Since it’s just me, I’m not too hard to manage. This might be more accurately described as canine and feline resources.  The dogs are easy to please.  I’m currently in negotiations with the United Feline Union for more kitty treats.  They drive a hard bargain.

Shipping and Receiving Hat – I get to run orders to the PO (not that I’m complaining, feel free to order more jewelry from me.  I have an Etsy page at http://www.etsy.com/shop/chrysalisjewelrytx .  I’ll wait – you go shop) and I need to make sure I’m home when the USPS and UPS deliver packages that need signatures.  When dealing with “raw” materials, “signature required” happens often.

Marketing/Social Media Hat – How do people find out about your wonderful jewelry?  You have to find ways to market it.  In this day and age, this can be done on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Chrysalis-Jewelry/193401868091 ) or Twitter (@melissacreamer ).  I know there is this Google+ thing and I’ve heard something about Klout.  I thought klout was what you put on your Wienerschnitzel?  Wait, no, that’s krout.  No worries, I’ll get it figured out so I can continue to shamelessly plug…

Web Designer Hat – I truly suck at this one and I am currently begging a friend who actually knows what she is doing for help.  I may actually hear back from her when the Skyrim server crashes.

Professional Photographer Hat – In order to sell and market my wares, I have to be able to take pictures of my jewelry that look somewhat decent.  With my limited knowledge and budget, it can be a challenge to make my jewelry not look like dog doo-doo (Although…I might be able to get the canines to come up with something for me to sell to a high-falutin’ art gallery in New York City for big bucks…might have to think about this).

Anyway, I could go on, but you get my point.  It feels like I have a lot of plates spinning all at once trying to give this small business thing a go.  I know Rome was not built in a day, so I must give it time.  I also must keep in mind the old adage – “If you’re going to drop a ball, make sure it’s a rubber one.”

But if you would be so kind, could you help spread the word?  Word of mouth can be the best advertising and it fits my budget (free!).

Until tomorrow - Melissa

 This beautiful necklace can be found on my Etsy site (http://www.etsy.com/shop/chrysalisjewelrytx ).  Sorry, had to toss in one more shameless plug...

My Apologies

Dear Reader, I must beg your forgiveness.  I have not blogged in a very long time.  When I started this blog I intended to blog every day.  I endeavored to come up with something comical or whimsical to share on a daily basis.  At first it was easy.  Then it wasn’t so much.  I can use the excuse that, as an artisan jeweler, I got overwhelmed with Christmas orders.  This is partly true; I was busy filling Christmas orders.  I can say that I was concentrating on getting my Etsy store well stocked.  Again partly true.  Upon much reflection, I realize why I stopped writing.

I think writing requires a bit of honesty on the writer’s part.  My blog was happy-go-lucky.  It was a nice charade, a nice distraction while I figured out what was going on in my life.  So dear reader, in a moment of soul baring I will tell you my story.  If you want happy-go-lucky, please stop reading now.

Last March I was at work, which was at a university.  We were in the middle of spring break.  I was mid-sentence with my student worker when I had to run to the bathroom.  I will spare you the gory details.  I went home, thinking I had the stomach flu.  Oh how I wish that it had been the flu.   March 15^th (“Beware the Ides of March” they say) was the beginning of my own personal hell.

I didn’t get over “the flu”, and the abdominal pain sharpened and settled into my right side.  By the next Tuesday, I was still not feeling well.  To my doctor I went. And so the theories began, along with all kinds of tests.  When my GP ran out of ideas, I was referred to a gastroenterologist.  At this point I also had to medically withdraw from my Master’s program, which was a blow to me.  I don’t quit.  I stick to it, I grin and bear it, but I don’t quit.  But in this case I had no choice.  I was still running a fever, and feeling sick,  and no one could tell me why.  I’ve suffered from kidney stones since I was 16.  I know pain, I can handle pain, I get through it (let’s go back to that not quitting thing).  There are not words to describe the pain I was in all the time.  Pain so bad I couldn’t sleep.  I read a LOT of books.  What else do you do at 3 AM? The last test my gastroenterologist ran was a scope down my stomach.  Turns out I had a hiatal hernia.  That would account for the heart burn, but not the fever and abdominal pain. Then my facial drooping and tremors began.  My gastroenterologist sent me to see a neurologist.  More tests.  The only thing this doctor could come up with was my clotting factors were through the roof, my ANA was high, and had a vitamin D deficiency.

I’d been gone from work for a while and as you can imagine, my employer wasn’t happy.  So back to work I went.   Just getting ready for work killed me.  Shortly after I returned to work I had a follow up with my neurologist.  During the appointment he had a hard time getting a pulse.  Then he listened to my chest and looked up at me said, “I need you to go to the ER right now.  You’re in tachycardia.”  Across the street to the ER we went (thank goodness my husband was with me).  More tests and a few drugs later, I was still in tachycardia and the ER doctor was shrugging his shoulders.  No idea why my heart was beating so hard and not responding to pain killers or antianxiety drugs.  If I wanted, he could admit me or I could go home.  Since you took 16 vials of blood and came up with nothing, I’m going to go home.  Thanks for playing.  I went to work the next day over my husband’s emphatic protests.

I went back to my gastroenterologist and begged for pain pills.  He wrote me a prescription for another antacid.  He also referred me to an endocrinologist.   I went back to my GP and begged for his help.  Due to some family history, he sent me to a hematologist.   The endocrinologist was a bust.  The hematologist ended up with a 25 page lab report.  She confirmed my ANA was high.  She performed a lot of other tests that showed I had an autoimmune disease.  She also tested for all of the “common” ones.  All negative.  She did get a positive on something called CREST syndrome.  She had no idea what it was.  She had to Google it to find out what it was.  Long story short, CREST stands for five symptoms: Calcinosis, Raynaud's phenomenon, Esophageal motility disorders, Sclerodactyly, and Telangiectasia.  My hematologist sat there and apologized.  She had done every test she knew to do.  She was at the end of her knowledge.  She said it was going to take a very knowledgeable rheumatologist to figure this out.  Who did she recommend?  She told me a doctor at UTSW.  Awesome, a sister university to the one I worked for.  For the first time in months I had hope; maybe this guy was the key.  At this point in my story we are in mid-July.  He had a cancelation and I was able to get right in.

My appointment came.  I had to fill out all kinds of family history paperwork.  I had stacks of test records.  The doctor sat and listened to my complaints.  He said he had a couple of theories.  Ordered more tests and scheduled a follow up in six weeks.  He was a busy and popular doctor.  I didn’t want to wait six weeks for answers, but as long as I got answers I could grin and bear it.  I had gotten into the habit of having someone at my appointments with me.  Someone who could also listen to all the technical jargon.  My follow up fell at the end of August.  My husband is a school teacher and we didn’t feel comfortable with him taking a day off so early in the school year.  

My mother offered to fly down to go to my appointment with me.  My follow up appointment came.  After going over my test results and telling me what I didn’t have for 20 minutes, he finally concluded there was nothing more he could do for me at that time.  I was in shock.  I plead with him, begged for help.  I was told (and here’s the kicker) “I don’t have a magic potion for you.”  I didn’t ask for magic, I asked for help.  I cannot tell you the despair I felt in that moment.  Five-and-a-half months had elapsed after I first got sick and I was still no closer to an answer (or so I felt).

Since I was going to have to miss work anyway (something I hated to do at that point), I also scheduled an appointment with my GP.  I was already on a lot of medications trying to control this or that and one of them required I get a blood test every six weeks to make sure it wasn’t harming my liver.  I got to my GP appointment and told him how my rheumatologist appointment went.  Bless my GP, he’s a great doctor if you have the flu or the sniffles, but he’s a GP.  Sensing my despair, he decided to throw a couple medications “against the wall” if you will and see if they helped.  He first put me on a sleeping pill, so I could at least sleep.  He also put me on an antidepressant that was known to also help with nerve pain.  They may not have been magical potions, but boy did they improve my quality of life.

I cannot tell you how good it felt to one - get a full night’s sleep and two - not be in pain.  This helped for a few weeks.  However, my tachycardia still wasn’t solved.  You know how you feel after you run, or do some kind of hard exercise?  When your heart is beating really really fast and you need to catch your breath?  Imagine feeling like that, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  Imagine this going on for months.  Any type of physical activity exhausted me.  Walking from my car to my office was a daily nightmare.  However, my pain was better, so I was going to take what I could get.

I made this work until October.  That was when my body said, “That’s it.  I’m done.”  I couldn’t get out of bed.  There was just about nothing that could motivate me to give up lying flat on my back.  Hunger and thirst were not motivation enough.  My house is not large.  The kitchen is about 40 feet from my bedroom.  It may as well have been in China. I made one trip to the kitchen a day.  That one trip was in the morning to give my diabetic dog her insulin.   My husband would get her at night.  I would eat when my husband would get home from work and would bring me something.  I returned to my GP.  I told him how exhausted I was.  He took my vitals and said, “Well, with your heart beating as fast as it is, it makes me tired just listening to it.”  It was going so fast he actually had to get a finger monitor to get a count.  He then put me on a 24 hour halter monitor to check out the rhythm.  Not that it did much good.  You are supposed to live your normal life while wearing the monitor to get the best picture of what is going on.  I couldn’t get out of bed.

My rhythm was normal, just very fast.  I was sent to a cardiologist.  In case you are keeping track, this is doctor number seven, if you don’t count the ER doctor.  I first had the joy of going through tests including a Balke protocol stress test.  I wanted to die.  Finally I got to see the doctor.  Normal rhythm, everything is fine.  I asked why it was beating so fast.  The doctor had no idea, but come back if I needed to see him again.  I think he was late to a golf game or something.  He literally did not spend two minutes with me.

Back to the GP I go.  He was not a happy camper.  He apologized for sending me to that cardiologist.  He then put me on a beta blocker to bring my heart rate down.  Talk about magic potion!  One pill and a good night’s sleep and I felt….I felt like me.  The beta blocker prescription was given to me on Halloween.  Seven and a half months since I had gotten sick.

The beta blocker didn’t come in time.  I lost my job in early November.  Who can blame my employer?  I went from model employee to an employee who was never there and had wild tales of illness.  Who would believe a tale of doctor after doctor blowing you off?  I wouldn’t, but I know it to be true; I have experienced it firsthand.

Losing my job was devastating.  Anyone who has ever lost a job can tell you how hard it is.  For me, it was the last thing I had.  Since March, I had given up on my Master’s.  I no longer made jewelry, something I LOVED to do.  Months went by and my studio went unused.  I wasn’t a wife to my husband.  Cooking, cleaning, and the care of our home fell completely on my husband’s shoulders.  Most of it I simply could not do.  I stopped being a sister to my brother who is in college here (the one I use to work for).  He has Asperger’s and needs help from time to time.  My job was the last thing I was doing (although poorly).  It was the last thing I had…or at least it felt that way.  Whatever disease I have robbed me of everything.

God bless my husband.  He has been a rock through this whole journey.  The irony of losing my job when I did was finally having all my symptoms treated.  It was also a blow to lose my health insurance.  COBRA is about $500 a month.  To get on my husband’s was going to be even more.

So now what?  I really don’t know.  I had a job offer.  I was going to take the job. But I’m still not 100%.  I have good days and I have days where I’m really tired.  I still have nights (even with sleeping drugs) where I can’t sleep.  I thinking working a job right now would not be good for me or the employer, and my husband agrees wholeheartedly.  So, I do my jewelry.  I’ve started to sell it on Etsy.  My jewelry business had always been a side thing.  Now I’m trying to grow it into a successful small business.  It’s a lot of hard work, but the upside is, I can’t fire myself.  I can work nights and weekends when I feel like it.  I can stay in bed when I don’t.

So, dear reader, why am I telling you this?  One, I think confession is good for the soul.  It has been very therapeutic for me to write this.  I thank you if you have read it this far.  But I have ulterior motives for writing this as well.  A few nights ago I couldn’t sleep and was surfing the net, looking for information on CREST (the only autoimmune I really have to go on at the moment).  While I don’t hold a medical degree, I must say the pieces fit.  I ran across a message board for people with CREST.  I read it in tears.  For the first time, I was reading post after post that could have been written by me. Symptoms I have, not being able to get out of bed, job loss.  As heart-breaking as the stories were, I found comfort.  One – I had validation that I wasn’t crazy and two – I wasn’t alone.  My husband and family can tell me they’re behind me, but they aren’t living it.

My other ulterior motive is I can hope that a doctor or a medical student, or someone else who has CREST can tell me who to see.  From what I’ve read, it’s hard to diagnose because it’s not common.  For the longest time I’ve wished there was a real Dr. House, someone who can put my puzzle pieces together.  Now I just have to hope he or she reads this.

Thank you for reading – I hope to see you tomorrow.

 Melissa