I must apologize about my silence as of late. Well, It would appear almost all of 2017. There are many times I would have loved to have written to you. I felt it was best not to. My silence has been quite intentional.
2017 was going to be better than 2016. Or at least that was the plan. I had plans to really build my brand. Start a Youtube channel geared towards my fellow spoonies. Blog more. Instagram more. Jump start my jewelry business.
Things in 2017 started off rocky in my personal life. So clearly my attention was elsewhere. Aaron left me in May and I decided to stay fairly silent on the matter. I'm sure he expected me to lash out every which way on social media. Sometimes I don't behave as expected.
I've learned number of things since my marriage broke up. A few I'm going to touch on in this blog. The first thing I learned was you find out who your real friends are real quick in a divorce. For the record, if I ask you have you heard from Aaron and you tell me no, you may want to make sure you are either telling me the truth or I have no way of verifying it. In this instance your insistent no was quickly proven out to be a lie. I was checking cell records daily. Your number was on the text logs a lot. Don't feel bad. A few people got caught that way.
As I said you learn who your real friends are. These are the friends that step up, circle the wagons with you. The friends who call more, check on you more, make sure you're eating once in awhile. I am very blessed to have a number of these amazing friends, both locally and via the internet.
I've learned you are given what you need when you need it. Almost a month after Aaron left, my friend Annie and I were out in my jewelry studio when Annie thought she heard a cat. She did some digging and found some very weak, dehydrated, flea covered kittens that we estimate were about a week old.
Annie and I quickly ran to petsmart and bought a bottle and formula and then went to Target for some Dawn dish washing soap (for the fleas). Did you know kittens need to be fed every three hours? I didn't. Guess what I ended up doing. That's right, feeding kittens every three hours for three or so weeks. I was never so happy when I was able to wean them and they could eat kitten food. So many people told me how amazing I was to do this for the kittens. Maybe yes, probably no. They gave me something to focus on, someone to help. In one small way I could effect positive change in the middle of my life being thrown out of wack. Also, you should know all the kittens found furever homes. I did end up adopting one of the black ones.
I've learned it's okay to be alone. Until a few months ago, I had never lived on my own. I got married in college. I went from having a roommate to having a husband. At first I didn't know what to do with myself. Change is scary, but it's not always bad. I've learned to embrace the solitude and the quiet. I boxed up things that weren't mine. I rearranged rooms. I made this space mine and mine alone. I turned my house into a place of peace and rest.
While I was learning how to live alone, I also learned I really don't know who I am. I recently ran across this and it made me think:
It was like somebody took a bucket of cold water and threw it on me. Talk about a light bulb moment. I'm still thinking about it and trying to figure out what to do with it.
Traditionally I try to learn something new each year to improve myself. It's typically a skill of some kind. Find something I'm interested in and take a class or read up about it. So here is what I've decided. 2018 is going to be the year I learn about me. Old baggage is going to be left at the curb for garbage collection. Toxic people no longer have a place in my life. It's time to get to know me, a balanced and healthy me.
And here is some food for thought. Despite society telling me I should be upset over the break up of my marriage, I've found I'm a much happier person. And healthier (to date I'm down 39 pounds). They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so here you go!
Until next time
Melissa
