I sit in my house, alone, knowing what tomorrow is. I'm writing a blog that has been a year in the making. This blog is more for me to close a chapter than for you dear reader. Please bear with me.
On May 6, 2017 a dear friend had a party to celebrate a big accomplishment. I had spent the night so I could help clean up when the party was done. Aaron had been invited tospend the night as well but made the excuse the dogs would need to be taken care of. As I had pointed out we could probably get a neighbor to let them out for us a couple of times I found this strange but went with it. As I drove home late on the morning of May the 7th I couldn't get a hold of Aaron. Also strange.
I got home to find no one home. Not a living creature. Not Tegan, not Tanwen, not Seren, not Munro. No Mr. Holstein, or Gus, or Anna, or Nina. Items Aaron held in high value were gone. I knew as I took in the scene in what had happened. He had left me and in an act of cruelty he took all my babies with him. I've had people be shocked as I have told them this at how cruel it was. I wasn't. The man I was married to for 18 years is extremely cruel and will strike the lowest blow if he feels you have wronged him. I would later find out he had opened a new bank account the day after he had told me he didn't want to lose me. Lie after lie began to come to light.
A few months before he left he physically attacked me. I was too scared to call the police. I ended up calling a friend. We started marriage counseling. I thought maybe things would get better. I know now it was just lip service.
It's amazing what solitude and reflection will help clarify. I can now look back at my "marriage" and see it was all about him. What else should I expect from a narcissist. I can see the manipulation. The gas lighting. I can see why he never maintained friendships. To hard to keep the facade up over a long period of time.
I'm not going to use this to rehash everything that has happened this past year. Just know that he continued to try to manipulate me even after he left. This past year has been one of the best of my life while at the same time being the most hellish. I get reminded every day on Facebook the babies I have lost. I was told in July Seren died. Interesting how that text came after we filed for temporary orders. I still believe she is alive and it was an attempt for me to contact him (I went no contact a couple of weeks after he left when it became clear we were not going to be able to work this out like adults).
Our divorce was final on April 13th. The house will sell on May 14th. This chapter of my life is about to close. I only have to deal with him one more time, next weekend when we divide the community property. I do not look forward to being in the same room as him. I have begun to rebuild my life. I graduate from an intense IT training program on May 25th. I look forward to going to a job every day and solving problems once again. Only this time, I will be working for me.
A year has gone by. I look at who I was a year ago and I look at who I am now. What a year of change. I am using this blog to publicly close this chapter, to let go. I hope a year from now when May 7th rolls around I smile and think wow girl, Look at you go!
Until Next Time
Melissa
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Sunday, May 6, 2018
Tuesday, December 19, 2017
2017 - Year in Review
Dearest Reader,
I must apologize about my silence as of late. Well, It would appear almost all of 2017. There are many times I would have loved to have written to you. I felt it was best not to. My silence has been quite intentional.
2017 was going to be better than 2016. Or at least that was the plan. I had plans to really build my brand. Start a Youtube channel geared towards my fellow spoonies. Blog more. Instagram more. Jump start my jewelry business.
Things in 2017 started off rocky in my personal life. So clearly my attention was elsewhere. Aaron left me in May and I decided to stay fairly silent on the matter. I'm sure he expected me to lash out every which way on social media. Sometimes I don't behave as expected.
I've learned number of things since my marriage broke up. A few I'm going to touch on in this blog. The first thing I learned was you find out who your real friends are real quick in a divorce. For the record, if I ask you have you heard from Aaron and you tell me no, you may want to make sure you are either telling me the truth or I have no way of verifying it. In this instance your insistent no was quickly proven out to be a lie. I was checking cell records daily. Your number was on the text logs a lot. Don't feel bad. A few people got caught that way.
As I said you learn who your real friends are. These are the friends that step up, circle the wagons with you. The friends who call more, check on you more, make sure you're eating once in awhile. I am very blessed to have a number of these amazing friends, both locally and via the internet.
I've learned you are given what you need when you need it. Almost a month after Aaron left, my friend Annie and I were out in my jewelry studio when Annie thought she heard a cat. She did some digging and found some very weak, dehydrated, flea covered kittens that we estimate were about a week old.
Annie and I quickly ran to petsmart and bought a bottle and formula and then went to Target for some Dawn dish washing soap (for the fleas). Did you know kittens need to be fed every three hours? I didn't. Guess what I ended up doing. That's right, feeding kittens every three hours for three or so weeks. I was never so happy when I was able to wean them and they could eat kitten food. So many people told me how amazing I was to do this for the kittens. Maybe yes, probably no. They gave me something to focus on, someone to help. In one small way I could effect positive change in the middle of my life being thrown out of wack. Also, you should know all the kittens found furever homes. I did end up adopting one of the black ones.
I've learned it's okay to be alone. Until a few months ago, I had never lived on my own. I got married in college. I went from having a roommate to having a husband. At first I didn't know what to do with myself. Change is scary, but it's not always bad. I've learned to embrace the solitude and the quiet. I boxed up things that weren't mine. I rearranged rooms. I made this space mine and mine alone. I turned my house into a place of peace and rest.
While I was learning how to live alone, I also learned I really don't know who I am. I recently ran across this and it made me think:
It was like somebody took a bucket of cold water and threw it on me. Talk about a light bulb moment. I'm still thinking about it and trying to figure out what to do with it.
Traditionally I try to learn something new each year to improve myself. It's typically a skill of some kind. Find something I'm interested in and take a class or read up about it. So here is what I've decided. 2018 is going to be the year I learn about me. Old baggage is going to be left at the curb for garbage collection. Toxic people no longer have a place in my life. It's time to get to know me, a balanced and healthy me.
And here is some food for thought. Despite society telling me I should be upset over the break up of my marriage, I've found I'm a much happier person. And healthier (to date I'm down 39 pounds). They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so here you go!
Until next time
Melissa
I must apologize about my silence as of late. Well, It would appear almost all of 2017. There are many times I would have loved to have written to you. I felt it was best not to. My silence has been quite intentional.
2017 was going to be better than 2016. Or at least that was the plan. I had plans to really build my brand. Start a Youtube channel geared towards my fellow spoonies. Blog more. Instagram more. Jump start my jewelry business.
Things in 2017 started off rocky in my personal life. So clearly my attention was elsewhere. Aaron left me in May and I decided to stay fairly silent on the matter. I'm sure he expected me to lash out every which way on social media. Sometimes I don't behave as expected.
I've learned number of things since my marriage broke up. A few I'm going to touch on in this blog. The first thing I learned was you find out who your real friends are real quick in a divorce. For the record, if I ask you have you heard from Aaron and you tell me no, you may want to make sure you are either telling me the truth or I have no way of verifying it. In this instance your insistent no was quickly proven out to be a lie. I was checking cell records daily. Your number was on the text logs a lot. Don't feel bad. A few people got caught that way.
As I said you learn who your real friends are. These are the friends that step up, circle the wagons with you. The friends who call more, check on you more, make sure you're eating once in awhile. I am very blessed to have a number of these amazing friends, both locally and via the internet.
I've learned you are given what you need when you need it. Almost a month after Aaron left, my friend Annie and I were out in my jewelry studio when Annie thought she heard a cat. She did some digging and found some very weak, dehydrated, flea covered kittens that we estimate were about a week old.
Annie and I quickly ran to petsmart and bought a bottle and formula and then went to Target for some Dawn dish washing soap (for the fleas). Did you know kittens need to be fed every three hours? I didn't. Guess what I ended up doing. That's right, feeding kittens every three hours for three or so weeks. I was never so happy when I was able to wean them and they could eat kitten food. So many people told me how amazing I was to do this for the kittens. Maybe yes, probably no. They gave me something to focus on, someone to help. In one small way I could effect positive change in the middle of my life being thrown out of wack. Also, you should know all the kittens found furever homes. I did end up adopting one of the black ones.
I've learned it's okay to be alone. Until a few months ago, I had never lived on my own. I got married in college. I went from having a roommate to having a husband. At first I didn't know what to do with myself. Change is scary, but it's not always bad. I've learned to embrace the solitude and the quiet. I boxed up things that weren't mine. I rearranged rooms. I made this space mine and mine alone. I turned my house into a place of peace and rest.
While I was learning how to live alone, I also learned I really don't know who I am. I recently ran across this and it made me think:
It was like somebody took a bucket of cold water and threw it on me. Talk about a light bulb moment. I'm still thinking about it and trying to figure out what to do with it.
Traditionally I try to learn something new each year to improve myself. It's typically a skill of some kind. Find something I'm interested in and take a class or read up about it. So here is what I've decided. 2018 is going to be the year I learn about me. Old baggage is going to be left at the curb for garbage collection. Toxic people no longer have a place in my life. It's time to get to know me, a balanced and healthy me.
And here is some food for thought. Despite society telling me I should be upset over the break up of my marriage, I've found I'm a much happier person. And healthier (to date I'm down 39 pounds). They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so here you go!
Until next time
Melissa
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