This week we were rocked by two celebrity suicides. Kate Spade and today Anthony Bourdain. Now I'm not a big celebrity chaser and I'm not here to jump on the band wagon. But they news on Anthony's death hit me. I'm a foodie and I've watched his shows. I appreciated his view and I enjoyed watching him travel and try foods most of us Americans had never heard of. His death really got me to thinking about the mental health crisis we have going on in this country and the stigma it brings.
I have so many friends who suffer from anxiety and depression. Sometimes both. I see them try to cover it, hide it, pretend it doesn't exist. Some wear the masks of normalcy better than others. I can't write this blog and say I know what it's like. I don't. I can, however, sit here and write this blog and know what it's like to be in pain, daily. As you well know dear reader, I live with fibromyalgia and CREST Syndrome. Some days the pain is manageable. Other days the pain makes you wish you weren't alive. And this is where I can understand my friends with mental illness.
I can think back to the dark days as I call them, to a time before I had a diagnosis. When no one had an answer and all I had was pain. It felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Doctor visit after doctor visit, begging for help but no answers. It took me a year and a half to get to a doctor who could give me a diagnosis and therefore a way to treat my symptoms. That seemed like forever. I can not imagine what it must be like to cry for help, but either not get it, or get a stigma attached to it.
Earlier this week I was talking to a friend about their anxiety. And they asked why I wasn't judging them for it. I asked, do you judge me when I have a high pain day? Do you see me as less because of my fibromyalgia? The answer was no. My next question is, why should it be any different for you? They were stunned. But you see dear reader, this is how I see mental illness, an illness of the mind. It deserves no less attention or compassion than an illness of the body. This is how I see it. This is the message I will continue to spread until I see my friends treated by society the same as any other illness.
Dear reader, if you are reading this and the pain is more than you can bear, please please hang on just a little longer. I know calling it quits may seem like a solution that will end your pain. And it probably will. But I have to be selfish here and ask you not to go. What you can't see beyond in your pain is how much you mean to your friends and family. How much you are loved. And what a giant void you will leave. You can't possibly see what a wonderful human being you are. But trust me dear reader. We see you. We love you. Please give us a chance to show you before you make a decision you can't take back. Even if you feel you have no one else to turn to, please pick up the phone and call 1-800-273-8255. That is the national suicide prevention hotline.
Please dear reader, no more Anthony's or Kate's, or Chester's, or Chris Cornell's. Please no more death from people we will never ever know because they weren't famous enough to make the headlines.
Until Next Time
Melissa
Friday, June 8, 2018
Sunday, May 6, 2018
A Time To Let Go
I sit in my house, alone, knowing what tomorrow is. I'm writing a blog that has been a year in the making. This blog is more for me to close a chapter than for you dear reader. Please bear with me.
On May 6, 2017 a dear friend had a party to celebrate a big accomplishment. I had spent the night so I could help clean up when the party was done. Aaron had been invited tospend the night as well but made the excuse the dogs would need to be taken care of. As I had pointed out we could probably get a neighbor to let them out for us a couple of times I found this strange but went with it. As I drove home late on the morning of May the 7th I couldn't get a hold of Aaron. Also strange.
I got home to find no one home. Not a living creature. Not Tegan, not Tanwen, not Seren, not Munro. No Mr. Holstein, or Gus, or Anna, or Nina. Items Aaron held in high value were gone. I knew as I took in the scene in what had happened. He had left me and in an act of cruelty he took all my babies with him. I've had people be shocked as I have told them this at how cruel it was. I wasn't. The man I was married to for 18 years is extremely cruel and will strike the lowest blow if he feels you have wronged him. I would later find out he had opened a new bank account the day after he had told me he didn't want to lose me. Lie after lie began to come to light.
A few months before he left he physically attacked me. I was too scared to call the police. I ended up calling a friend. We started marriage counseling. I thought maybe things would get better. I know now it was just lip service.
It's amazing what solitude and reflection will help clarify. I can now look back at my "marriage" and see it was all about him. What else should I expect from a narcissist. I can see the manipulation. The gas lighting. I can see why he never maintained friendships. To hard to keep the facade up over a long period of time.
I'm not going to use this to rehash everything that has happened this past year. Just know that he continued to try to manipulate me even after he left. This past year has been one of the best of my life while at the same time being the most hellish. I get reminded every day on Facebook the babies I have lost. I was told in July Seren died. Interesting how that text came after we filed for temporary orders. I still believe she is alive and it was an attempt for me to contact him (I went no contact a couple of weeks after he left when it became clear we were not going to be able to work this out like adults).
Our divorce was final on April 13th. The house will sell on May 14th. This chapter of my life is about to close. I only have to deal with him one more time, next weekend when we divide the community property. I do not look forward to being in the same room as him. I have begun to rebuild my life. I graduate from an intense IT training program on May 25th. I look forward to going to a job every day and solving problems once again. Only this time, I will be working for me.
A year has gone by. I look at who I was a year ago and I look at who I am now. What a year of change. I am using this blog to publicly close this chapter, to let go. I hope a year from now when May 7th rolls around I smile and think wow girl, Look at you go!
Until Next Time
Melissa
On May 6, 2017 a dear friend had a party to celebrate a big accomplishment. I had spent the night so I could help clean up when the party was done. Aaron had been invited tospend the night as well but made the excuse the dogs would need to be taken care of. As I had pointed out we could probably get a neighbor to let them out for us a couple of times I found this strange but went with it. As I drove home late on the morning of May the 7th I couldn't get a hold of Aaron. Also strange.
I got home to find no one home. Not a living creature. Not Tegan, not Tanwen, not Seren, not Munro. No Mr. Holstein, or Gus, or Anna, or Nina. Items Aaron held in high value were gone. I knew as I took in the scene in what had happened. He had left me and in an act of cruelty he took all my babies with him. I've had people be shocked as I have told them this at how cruel it was. I wasn't. The man I was married to for 18 years is extremely cruel and will strike the lowest blow if he feels you have wronged him. I would later find out he had opened a new bank account the day after he had told me he didn't want to lose me. Lie after lie began to come to light.
A few months before he left he physically attacked me. I was too scared to call the police. I ended up calling a friend. We started marriage counseling. I thought maybe things would get better. I know now it was just lip service.
It's amazing what solitude and reflection will help clarify. I can now look back at my "marriage" and see it was all about him. What else should I expect from a narcissist. I can see the manipulation. The gas lighting. I can see why he never maintained friendships. To hard to keep the facade up over a long period of time.
I'm not going to use this to rehash everything that has happened this past year. Just know that he continued to try to manipulate me even after he left. This past year has been one of the best of my life while at the same time being the most hellish. I get reminded every day on Facebook the babies I have lost. I was told in July Seren died. Interesting how that text came after we filed for temporary orders. I still believe she is alive and it was an attempt for me to contact him (I went no contact a couple of weeks after he left when it became clear we were not going to be able to work this out like adults).
Our divorce was final on April 13th. The house will sell on May 14th. This chapter of my life is about to close. I only have to deal with him one more time, next weekend when we divide the community property. I do not look forward to being in the same room as him. I have begun to rebuild my life. I graduate from an intense IT training program on May 25th. I look forward to going to a job every day and solving problems once again. Only this time, I will be working for me.
A year has gone by. I look at who I was a year ago and I look at who I am now. What a year of change. I am using this blog to publicly close this chapter, to let go. I hope a year from now when May 7th rolls around I smile and think wow girl, Look at you go!
Until Next Time
Melissa
Thursday, March 15, 2018
Beware the Ides of March
For the past 7 years, I have felt like Julius Caesar and I have something in common. Its the day we were both betrayed. Caesar by fellow Romans. Me by my own body. If you have followed my blog for any length of time you know I suffer from Fibromyalgia and an autoimmune known as CREST Syndrome. In the days leading up to this anniversary, I have thought about the past 7 years a lot. Especially in the context of the past year.
I've been doing better. Over the past 15 months I've lost 51 pounds. This has allowed me to move more with less pain. I'm glad I had already started to lose weight when my husband decided to walk out on me. I could not have handled working the jobs I have worked with the pain I had been in. I worked weekends last fall at a Rein Faire. They were long hard days, but I was blessed by working for my friend and fellow Spoonie Ruby. We watched out for each other and made sure not to use up to many spoons each day at take lots of rest breaks. I spent three months working for Target stocking shelves. There were so many days I came home from Target rung out. In January I started to work for my towns Parks and Rec department, where I am also on my feet most of the time. All the while I continued to look for an office job.
I stated to a close friend in January I knew my technical skills were a little out dated, which I felt was keeping me from finding full time work in an office setting. I just didn't know how to go about getting them updated without paying to go back to school. In my current financial situation, that was just not an option. A few weeks after making that statement the opportunity I had been looking for presented itself. A 12 week training program in Application Support Management with job placement help for every successful graduate. Just what I needed!! I went through the multi-interview multi test process and ended up being one of 22 selected (over 90 applied).
Upon finding out I was accepted I felt two things at once. Overjoyed to finally get a professional break and terrified. The training program would be in downtown Dallas Monday - Friday 9-5. So not only would I need my employers to work with my new schedule (Target declined to) but I would need to the spoons to take on this additional task. There were so many days after working at Target and the Rec Center I barely had the spoons to feed myself. How the heck was I going to pull this off for 12 weeks?
My parents have been incredibly supportive through the divorce. In talking to my mom about my new undertaking she expressed concern for me and my health about doing the training program and working my jobs. Thanks to Target not working with me (after telling me we'd talk about it for a week and a half) I only had one job to worry about. Of course this spawned another concern, paying the bills, as I had barely been getting by. Once again my parents are being amazing and are helping me bridge the gap.
So dear reader why am I telling you this? As you know I do tend to make points. Mine is this. For years after getting sick I never thought I'd ever get close to leading a normal life. That I'd never work physical jobs again. Or work full time. I have been in my training program for almost two weeks now. I'm doing it and I'm not just getting by. I'm doing well and keeping up with the homework. I'm doing things again I never thought I would do.
So on this historic day of betrayal I want to send out a message of encouragement. I don't know what is going on in your life, but have hope it will get better. It might not be soon. I had to wait 6 years for mine. Don't give up. You never know what amazing thing might be around the corner. And if your a fellow spoonie - I'd love to connect with you.
Until Next Time
Melissa
I've been doing better. Over the past 15 months I've lost 51 pounds. This has allowed me to move more with less pain. I'm glad I had already started to lose weight when my husband decided to walk out on me. I could not have handled working the jobs I have worked with the pain I had been in. I worked weekends last fall at a Rein Faire. They were long hard days, but I was blessed by working for my friend and fellow Spoonie Ruby. We watched out for each other and made sure not to use up to many spoons each day at take lots of rest breaks. I spent three months working for Target stocking shelves. There were so many days I came home from Target rung out. In January I started to work for my towns Parks and Rec department, where I am also on my feet most of the time. All the while I continued to look for an office job.
I stated to a close friend in January I knew my technical skills were a little out dated, which I felt was keeping me from finding full time work in an office setting. I just didn't know how to go about getting them updated without paying to go back to school. In my current financial situation, that was just not an option. A few weeks after making that statement the opportunity I had been looking for presented itself. A 12 week training program in Application Support Management with job placement help for every successful graduate. Just what I needed!! I went through the multi-interview multi test process and ended up being one of 22 selected (over 90 applied).
Upon finding out I was accepted I felt two things at once. Overjoyed to finally get a professional break and terrified. The training program would be in downtown Dallas Monday - Friday 9-5. So not only would I need my employers to work with my new schedule (Target declined to) but I would need to the spoons to take on this additional task. There were so many days after working at Target and the Rec Center I barely had the spoons to feed myself. How the heck was I going to pull this off for 12 weeks?
My parents have been incredibly supportive through the divorce. In talking to my mom about my new undertaking she expressed concern for me and my health about doing the training program and working my jobs. Thanks to Target not working with me (after telling me we'd talk about it for a week and a half) I only had one job to worry about. Of course this spawned another concern, paying the bills, as I had barely been getting by. Once again my parents are being amazing and are helping me bridge the gap.
So dear reader why am I telling you this? As you know I do tend to make points. Mine is this. For years after getting sick I never thought I'd ever get close to leading a normal life. That I'd never work physical jobs again. Or work full time. I have been in my training program for almost two weeks now. I'm doing it and I'm not just getting by. I'm doing well and keeping up with the homework. I'm doing things again I never thought I would do.
So on this historic day of betrayal I want to send out a message of encouragement. I don't know what is going on in your life, but have hope it will get better. It might not be soon. I had to wait 6 years for mine. Don't give up. You never know what amazing thing might be around the corner. And if your a fellow spoonie - I'd love to connect with you.
Until Next Time
Melissa
Tuesday, December 19, 2017
2017 - Year in Review
Dearest Reader,
I must apologize about my silence as of late. Well, It would appear almost all of 2017. There are many times I would have loved to have written to you. I felt it was best not to. My silence has been quite intentional.
2017 was going to be better than 2016. Or at least that was the plan. I had plans to really build my brand. Start a Youtube channel geared towards my fellow spoonies. Blog more. Instagram more. Jump start my jewelry business.
Things in 2017 started off rocky in my personal life. So clearly my attention was elsewhere. Aaron left me in May and I decided to stay fairly silent on the matter. I'm sure he expected me to lash out every which way on social media. Sometimes I don't behave as expected.
I've learned number of things since my marriage broke up. A few I'm going to touch on in this blog. The first thing I learned was you find out who your real friends are real quick in a divorce. For the record, if I ask you have you heard from Aaron and you tell me no, you may want to make sure you are either telling me the truth or I have no way of verifying it. In this instance your insistent no was quickly proven out to be a lie. I was checking cell records daily. Your number was on the text logs a lot. Don't feel bad. A few people got caught that way.
As I said you learn who your real friends are. These are the friends that step up, circle the wagons with you. The friends who call more, check on you more, make sure you're eating once in awhile. I am very blessed to have a number of these amazing friends, both locally and via the internet.
I've learned you are given what you need when you need it. Almost a month after Aaron left, my friend Annie and I were out in my jewelry studio when Annie thought she heard a cat. She did some digging and found some very weak, dehydrated, flea covered kittens that we estimate were about a week old.
Annie and I quickly ran to petsmart and bought a bottle and formula and then went to Target for some Dawn dish washing soap (for the fleas). Did you know kittens need to be fed every three hours? I didn't. Guess what I ended up doing. That's right, feeding kittens every three hours for three or so weeks. I was never so happy when I was able to wean them and they could eat kitten food. So many people told me how amazing I was to do this for the kittens. Maybe yes, probably no. They gave me something to focus on, someone to help. In one small way I could effect positive change in the middle of my life being thrown out of wack. Also, you should know all the kittens found furever homes. I did end up adopting one of the black ones.
I've learned it's okay to be alone. Until a few months ago, I had never lived on my own. I got married in college. I went from having a roommate to having a husband. At first I didn't know what to do with myself. Change is scary, but it's not always bad. I've learned to embrace the solitude and the quiet. I boxed up things that weren't mine. I rearranged rooms. I made this space mine and mine alone. I turned my house into a place of peace and rest.
While I was learning how to live alone, I also learned I really don't know who I am. I recently ran across this and it made me think:
It was like somebody took a bucket of cold water and threw it on me. Talk about a light bulb moment. I'm still thinking about it and trying to figure out what to do with it.
Traditionally I try to learn something new each year to improve myself. It's typically a skill of some kind. Find something I'm interested in and take a class or read up about it. So here is what I've decided. 2018 is going to be the year I learn about me. Old baggage is going to be left at the curb for garbage collection. Toxic people no longer have a place in my life. It's time to get to know me, a balanced and healthy me.
And here is some food for thought. Despite society telling me I should be upset over the break up of my marriage, I've found I'm a much happier person. And healthier (to date I'm down 39 pounds). They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so here you go!
Until next time
Melissa
I must apologize about my silence as of late. Well, It would appear almost all of 2017. There are many times I would have loved to have written to you. I felt it was best not to. My silence has been quite intentional.
2017 was going to be better than 2016. Or at least that was the plan. I had plans to really build my brand. Start a Youtube channel geared towards my fellow spoonies. Blog more. Instagram more. Jump start my jewelry business.
Things in 2017 started off rocky in my personal life. So clearly my attention was elsewhere. Aaron left me in May and I decided to stay fairly silent on the matter. I'm sure he expected me to lash out every which way on social media. Sometimes I don't behave as expected.
I've learned number of things since my marriage broke up. A few I'm going to touch on in this blog. The first thing I learned was you find out who your real friends are real quick in a divorce. For the record, if I ask you have you heard from Aaron and you tell me no, you may want to make sure you are either telling me the truth or I have no way of verifying it. In this instance your insistent no was quickly proven out to be a lie. I was checking cell records daily. Your number was on the text logs a lot. Don't feel bad. A few people got caught that way.
As I said you learn who your real friends are. These are the friends that step up, circle the wagons with you. The friends who call more, check on you more, make sure you're eating once in awhile. I am very blessed to have a number of these amazing friends, both locally and via the internet.
I've learned you are given what you need when you need it. Almost a month after Aaron left, my friend Annie and I were out in my jewelry studio when Annie thought she heard a cat. She did some digging and found some very weak, dehydrated, flea covered kittens that we estimate were about a week old.
Annie and I quickly ran to petsmart and bought a bottle and formula and then went to Target for some Dawn dish washing soap (for the fleas). Did you know kittens need to be fed every three hours? I didn't. Guess what I ended up doing. That's right, feeding kittens every three hours for three or so weeks. I was never so happy when I was able to wean them and they could eat kitten food. So many people told me how amazing I was to do this for the kittens. Maybe yes, probably no. They gave me something to focus on, someone to help. In one small way I could effect positive change in the middle of my life being thrown out of wack. Also, you should know all the kittens found furever homes. I did end up adopting one of the black ones.
I've learned it's okay to be alone. Until a few months ago, I had never lived on my own. I got married in college. I went from having a roommate to having a husband. At first I didn't know what to do with myself. Change is scary, but it's not always bad. I've learned to embrace the solitude and the quiet. I boxed up things that weren't mine. I rearranged rooms. I made this space mine and mine alone. I turned my house into a place of peace and rest.
While I was learning how to live alone, I also learned I really don't know who I am. I recently ran across this and it made me think:
It was like somebody took a bucket of cold water and threw it on me. Talk about a light bulb moment. I'm still thinking about it and trying to figure out what to do with it.
Traditionally I try to learn something new each year to improve myself. It's typically a skill of some kind. Find something I'm interested in and take a class or read up about it. So here is what I've decided. 2018 is going to be the year I learn about me. Old baggage is going to be left at the curb for garbage collection. Toxic people no longer have a place in my life. It's time to get to know me, a balanced and healthy me.
And here is some food for thought. Despite society telling me I should be upset over the break up of my marriage, I've found I'm a much happier person. And healthier (to date I'm down 39 pounds). They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so here you go!
Until next time
Melissa
Friday, January 20, 2017
Battle Beauty Box December 2016
Welcome back Beauty Subscription Box lovers! Last month I covered the November boxes between Ipsy, Sephora Play, and Lip Monthly. In case you missed it you can catch up here. This month I will once again be reviewing those three with one more contender. This month the quarterly Wal-Mart Beauty Box came, so it will be reviewed as well. Let's get to it!
To review, Ipsy is $10/mo and comes with five products. This month I received a Beau Gachis concealer brush, a NYX eye shadow in Bedroom Eyes, an Aurora Intensively Precise Eyeliner in Blackberry, Hanalei Lip Treatment, and a Tarte Tartiest Glossy Lip Paint in WCW.
Sephora is also $10 and you get 5 products plus a perfume sample. December's box included Urban Decay's All Nighter Makeup Setting Spray, Drybar Detox Dry Shampoo, Makeup Forever Step 1 Smoothing Base, Bobby Brown Smokey Eye Mascara in black, Sephora Cream Lipstain in Always Red, and a perfume sample of Elizabeth and James Vanilla Bourbon.
Lip Monthly is $13.50/mo for me (as I buy 4 month blocks for $54). This month had 4 products (you get 4-5) which included a ChapStick Total Hydration Lips Scrub, City Color Lip Gloss in Wild Child, Crazy Rumors Hibiskiss Hibiscus Flavored Lip Color, and Cougar Mineral Lipstick in Sangria. I was actually very disappointed in this month's products in that it appeared to be very cheap (ChapStick, really?). Typically the card included tells you what the value is. November had a retail value of $98. December didn't tell us. Hmmm, wonder why...
Last up is our quarterly box from Wal-Mart Beauty. This box is only $5/quarter and comes with full size products, samples, and coupons. Products include samples of Dove shampoo, conditioner, mask and body wash, a full size Cover Girl Last Blast Volume in Very Black, Ponds Rejuveness Anti-Wrinkle Cream, Aveeno Daily Moisturizing Body Yogurt, and Curel Hydratherapy Wet Skin Moisturizer.
Now that I've told you what was in every box I'm sure you're wondering my thoughts on these (that's why you're here, right? I mean I don't give out cookies or anything). Ipsy and Sephora Play always crush it. Ipsy has clearly built great relationships with beauty brands over the years. I love that you get a mix of prestige brands (like Tarte) and new indy brands. Clearly Sephora also has access to amazing brands. I love that I got Urban Decay, Bobby Brown, and Makeup Forever in one box. Woo!
Wal-Mart also has the marketplace muscle to get good sample sizes of product. I couldn't go to Wal-Mart and buy the Cover Girl Mascara for $5.00, let alone the rest of the travel size samples. I do fly from time to time and having bottles on hand that are TSA approved (under 3.4 oz for carry on) is always a plus.
Now Lip Monthly...we need to have a chat. Did you run out of end-of-year budget or did your buyer just go on vacation? The Chapstick scrub at Target is $4.99. From the City Color website the lip gloss is $5.99. The Crazy Rumors Hibiskiss lip color from their website is $4.99. The Cougar Mineral Lipstick is sold in a 5 pack for $47.80 (It's a UK brand so the conversion isn't a nice number we're used to). Still that makes each lipstick $9.56/ea. Which means this month's has a retail value of $25.53 or 1/4 the value of last month's bag. I was extremely disappointed in this month's December bag. When Wal-Mart's budget-conscious box does a better job you know you've done something wrong.
So dear reader, I will keep subscribing and keep testing beauty boxes for you. Be sure to stay tuned as I will also shortly be launching a YouTube companion page. 2017 holds some exciting things for sure!
Until Next Time, XOXO
Melissa
To review, Ipsy is $10/mo and comes with five products. This month I received a Beau Gachis concealer brush, a NYX eye shadow in Bedroom Eyes, an Aurora Intensively Precise Eyeliner in Blackberry, Hanalei Lip Treatment, and a Tarte Tartiest Glossy Lip Paint in WCW.
 |
| Ipsy December bag |
Sephora is also $10 and you get 5 products plus a perfume sample. December's box included Urban Decay's All Nighter Makeup Setting Spray, Drybar Detox Dry Shampoo, Makeup Forever Step 1 Smoothing Base, Bobby Brown Smokey Eye Mascara in black, Sephora Cream Lipstain in Always Red, and a perfume sample of Elizabeth and James Vanilla Bourbon.
 |
| December Sephora Play |
Lip Monthly is $13.50/mo for me (as I buy 4 month blocks for $54). This month had 4 products (you get 4-5) which included a ChapStick Total Hydration Lips Scrub, City Color Lip Gloss in Wild Child, Crazy Rumors Hibiskiss Hibiscus Flavored Lip Color, and Cougar Mineral Lipstick in Sangria. I was actually very disappointed in this month's products in that it appeared to be very cheap (ChapStick, really?). Typically the card included tells you what the value is. November had a retail value of $98. December didn't tell us. Hmmm, wonder why...
 |
| December Lip Monthly |
 |
| Why aren't you telling us the value this month, Lip Monthly?? |
Last up is our quarterly box from Wal-Mart Beauty. This box is only $5/quarter and comes with full size products, samples, and coupons. Products include samples of Dove shampoo, conditioner, mask and body wash, a full size Cover Girl Last Blast Volume in Very Black, Ponds Rejuveness Anti-Wrinkle Cream, Aveeno Daily Moisturizing Body Yogurt, and Curel Hydratherapy Wet Skin Moisturizer.
 |
| Winter Wal-Mart Beauty Box |
Now that I've told you what was in every box I'm sure you're wondering my thoughts on these (that's why you're here, right? I mean I don't give out cookies or anything). Ipsy and Sephora Play always crush it. Ipsy has clearly built great relationships with beauty brands over the years. I love that you get a mix of prestige brands (like Tarte) and new indy brands. Clearly Sephora also has access to amazing brands. I love that I got Urban Decay, Bobby Brown, and Makeup Forever in one box. Woo!
Wal-Mart also has the marketplace muscle to get good sample sizes of product. I couldn't go to Wal-Mart and buy the Cover Girl Mascara for $5.00, let alone the rest of the travel size samples. I do fly from time to time and having bottles on hand that are TSA approved (under 3.4 oz for carry on) is always a plus.
Now Lip Monthly...we need to have a chat. Did you run out of end-of-year budget or did your buyer just go on vacation? The Chapstick scrub at Target is $4.99. From the City Color website the lip gloss is $5.99. The Crazy Rumors Hibiskiss lip color from their website is $4.99. The Cougar Mineral Lipstick is sold in a 5 pack for $47.80 (It's a UK brand so the conversion isn't a nice number we're used to). Still that makes each lipstick $9.56/ea. Which means this month's has a retail value of $25.53 or 1/4 the value of last month's bag. I was extremely disappointed in this month's December bag. When Wal-Mart's budget-conscious box does a better job you know you've done something wrong.
So dear reader, I will keep subscribing and keep testing beauty boxes for you. Be sure to stay tuned as I will also shortly be launching a YouTube companion page. 2017 holds some exciting things for sure!
Until Next Time, XOXO
Melissa
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
Battle Duochrome Highlighter: Kat Von D vs Makeup Geek
Dear Reader,
You may be looking at all the makeup highlighters that are popping up and launching, especially the duochrome ones (they have a color shift) and think to yourself "Those are so pretty - I must have them all!" Then your bank account pipes up and says, "No, you must only choose one." You put on your sad panda face and see the wisdom of your bank account. But how do you choose? I am here to help.
Today I am going to pit the much anticipated Kat Von D Alchemist Holographic Palette against similar Makeup Geek Duochrome highlighters. For today's test I am going to put the KVD {blue} Sapphire against the MUG Moon Phase (The blue shift ones) and the KVD {pink} Opal against the MUG Lit (the pink shift ones).
Lets look at the blue ones first. I used both a brush and my finger to swatch and I took photos with my LG V20 in both outdoor and indoor light.
Personal opinion here, but I think the MUG has a slightly better color pay off in the blue version. What do you think? Let's take a look at the pink:
With the pink I feel like the Kat Von D product has the better color payoff.
So lets break down cost. The Kat Von D Alchemist Holographic Palette is $32 at Sephora.Com right now if you're a VIB or a VIB Rouge Member. It will hit Sephora.Com and KatVonD for everyone on 12/24 and will be in stores the 26th. You get four shades in the palette and each shade is 0.05 oz. This is $8/shade or $8/0.05oz. The Makeup Geek Highlighters are sold individually for $20 on the Makeupgeek website. You get 0.25 oz for the price.
If I were to wave my magic makeup wand and was able to make the pan sizes equal (0.25 oz) and have the ability to buy colors individually, you would end up paying $40 for the Kat Von D pan and still $20 for the Makeup Geek. From that stand point it is easy to see which one is the better value. Since I feel the color pay off in each is very similar, I don't know that the price of the Kat Von D one justifies purchasing it unless you're a diehard Kat Von D fan.
Sorry Kat, but it looks like Marlena (founder and head of Makeup Geek) won this one. I still love your products, though, so no hard feelings. :)
Until Next Time,
Melissa
You may be looking at all the makeup highlighters that are popping up and launching, especially the duochrome ones (they have a color shift) and think to yourself "Those are so pretty - I must have them all!" Then your bank account pipes up and says, "No, you must only choose one." You put on your sad panda face and see the wisdom of your bank account. But how do you choose? I am here to help.
Today I am going to pit the much anticipated Kat Von D Alchemist Holographic Palette against similar Makeup Geek Duochrome highlighters. For today's test I am going to put the KVD {blue} Sapphire against the MUG Moon Phase (The blue shift ones) and the KVD {pink} Opal against the MUG Lit (the pink shift ones).
 |
| KVD {blue} Sapphire vs MUG Moon Phase Outdoor Light |
 |
| KVD {blue} Sapphire vs MUG Moon Phase Indoor Light with Flash |
Personal opinion here, but I think the MUG has a slightly better color pay off in the blue version. What do you think? Let's take a look at the pink:
 |
| KVD {Pink} Opal vs MUG Lit Outdoor Light |
 |
| KVD {pink} Opal vs MUG Lit Indoor Light with Flash |
With the pink I feel like the Kat Von D product has the better color payoff.
So lets break down cost. The Kat Von D Alchemist Holographic Palette is $32 at Sephora.Com right now if you're a VIB or a VIB Rouge Member. It will hit Sephora.Com and KatVonD for everyone on 12/24 and will be in stores the 26th. You get four shades in the palette and each shade is 0.05 oz. This is $8/shade or $8/0.05oz. The Makeup Geek Highlighters are sold individually for $20 on the Makeupgeek website. You get 0.25 oz for the price.
If I were to wave my magic makeup wand and was able to make the pan sizes equal (0.25 oz) and have the ability to buy colors individually, you would end up paying $40 for the Kat Von D pan and still $20 for the Makeup Geek. From that stand point it is easy to see which one is the better value. Since I feel the color pay off in each is very similar, I don't know that the price of the Kat Von D one justifies purchasing it unless you're a diehard Kat Von D fan.
 |
| L-R MUG Lit, KVD Alchemist Holographic Palette, MUG Moon Phase |
Sorry Kat, but it looks like Marlena (founder and head of Makeup Geek) won this one. I still love your products, though, so no hard feelings. :)
Until Next Time,
Melissa
Sunday, December 18, 2016
Self Care and Why You Need To Do It
Dear Reader,
It's time we talked about self care. This is important for normal people and for us spoonies. I know a lot of you don't invest in self care which is why we are going to have ourselves a little chat. Now you may be asking yourself, what makes this random blogger an expert? Well dear reader, I have lived with fibromyalgia and an autoimmune disease called CREST for over 5 years now. If I do not take care of myself daily and set up boundaries I get myself in a whole mess of trouble. Trouble equals a flare and me being in bed for days if not weeks. It is my goal in this blog to impart to you some of my hard-gained knowledge in the world of self care.
Go grab yourself a drink. Coffee or tea if that's what you need. Something stronger if that will help. I'll wait... Are you ready? Then let's do this.
Step One - Figure out the energy you have. In the spoonie community we call this our number of spoons. For my readers who might not be familiar with Spoon Theory you may find it here. Now your energy level should be what you can accomplish on a normal day. Not a full on emergency situation day. This is the energy level you have without being totally wiped out. The kind of day where you go to bed tired, not the kind of day where you literally fall into bed.
Step Two - Now that you have figured out what you can get done in a day, you need to prioritize your day. What must get done versus what you'd like to get done. These priorities might change from day to day. For example, must the laundry get done today? If you still have clean clothes to wear and you have more pressing matters, I'd put that on the "like to get done" list. It is very important you learn the difference between "like to get done" and "must get done." You are not Superman or Superwoman. There is no reward for getting it all done right this minute.
Step Three - Learn to forgive yourself. I know you have been taught you must get everything done in one day and what you don't get done you must lay in bed and flagellate yourself over. I know, I know, we have been conditioned by society that we must put on this facade of a perfect life. Guess what, there are no awards for having the perfectly cleaned house or always helping out people when they ask for it. Which leads me to step four...
Step Four - The magic word. This is going to be a tough one. Deep breath and repeat after me. NO. Let's try it again. NO. Use this magic word (NO) to create boundaries for yourself. Your time on this planet is finite. Don't waste it all doing everything for everyone. You can't be all things. If you are running around trying to do everything asked of you, you will have no energy for yourself.
Step four is a very hard step. I get it. You want to be a good friend, a good sister, a good child. However, if you are constantly using your energy for everyone else and leaving nothing for you, your batteries will eventually just run down to zero. Then what? You can't do anything on a dead battery. Learn to set boundaries and take care of yourself first. This step is critical for self care.
Are you still with me? You've evaluated your energy, figured out the difference between have to's and like to's, learned to forgive yourself for not being superhuman, and learned to say no and set firm boundaries. Are we ready to move on?
Step Five - Recharge. What can you do just for you? This might be taking a bubble bath, or reading a good book with a glass of wine. Maybe going for a walk. Figure out what you can do just for you. I know you're used to putting yourself last, but this must change, dear reader. You need to put your own needs first. Now now, I'm not telling you to be selfish and never do anything for anyone else. All I'm saying is put yourself first, take care of what you need to do, including recharging your batteries. If you have energy left over after you've done what YOU NEED to do, then you can help others.
As to not overload you dear reader, I am going to leave it there. You can start practicing these five steps and see how it goes. Please report in on how you feel after practicing. You know I love to hear from you!
Do you have a recommendation on self care? Did I miss a step? Please comment below. I too am learning how to do this "self care" thing.
Until Next Time <3
Melissa
It's time we talked about self care. This is important for normal people and for us spoonies. I know a lot of you don't invest in self care which is why we are going to have ourselves a little chat. Now you may be asking yourself, what makes this random blogger an expert? Well dear reader, I have lived with fibromyalgia and an autoimmune disease called CREST for over 5 years now. If I do not take care of myself daily and set up boundaries I get myself in a whole mess of trouble. Trouble equals a flare and me being in bed for days if not weeks. It is my goal in this blog to impart to you some of my hard-gained knowledge in the world of self care.
Go grab yourself a drink. Coffee or tea if that's what you need. Something stronger if that will help. I'll wait... Are you ready? Then let's do this.
Step One - Figure out the energy you have. In the spoonie community we call this our number of spoons. For my readers who might not be familiar with Spoon Theory you may find it here. Now your energy level should be what you can accomplish on a normal day. Not a full on emergency situation day. This is the energy level you have without being totally wiped out. The kind of day where you go to bed tired, not the kind of day where you literally fall into bed.
Step Two - Now that you have figured out what you can get done in a day, you need to prioritize your day. What must get done versus what you'd like to get done. These priorities might change from day to day. For example, must the laundry get done today? If you still have clean clothes to wear and you have more pressing matters, I'd put that on the "like to get done" list. It is very important you learn the difference between "like to get done" and "must get done." You are not Superman or Superwoman. There is no reward for getting it all done right this minute.
Step Three - Learn to forgive yourself. I know you have been taught you must get everything done in one day and what you don't get done you must lay in bed and flagellate yourself over. I know, I know, we have been conditioned by society that we must put on this facade of a perfect life. Guess what, there are no awards for having the perfectly cleaned house or always helping out people when they ask for it. Which leads me to step four...
Step Four - The magic word. This is going to be a tough one. Deep breath and repeat after me. NO. Let's try it again. NO. Use this magic word (NO) to create boundaries for yourself. Your time on this planet is finite. Don't waste it all doing everything for everyone. You can't be all things. If you are running around trying to do everything asked of you, you will have no energy for yourself.
Step four is a very hard step. I get it. You want to be a good friend, a good sister, a good child. However, if you are constantly using your energy for everyone else and leaving nothing for you, your batteries will eventually just run down to zero. Then what? You can't do anything on a dead battery. Learn to set boundaries and take care of yourself first. This step is critical for self care.
Are you still with me? You've evaluated your energy, figured out the difference between have to's and like to's, learned to forgive yourself for not being superhuman, and learned to say no and set firm boundaries. Are we ready to move on?
Step Five - Recharge. What can you do just for you? This might be taking a bubble bath, or reading a good book with a glass of wine. Maybe going for a walk. Figure out what you can do just for you. I know you're used to putting yourself last, but this must change, dear reader. You need to put your own needs first. Now now, I'm not telling you to be selfish and never do anything for anyone else. All I'm saying is put yourself first, take care of what you need to do, including recharging your batteries. If you have energy left over after you've done what YOU NEED to do, then you can help others.
As to not overload you dear reader, I am going to leave it there. You can start practicing these five steps and see how it goes. Please report in on how you feel after practicing. You know I love to hear from you!
Do you have a recommendation on self care? Did I miss a step? Please comment below. I too am learning how to do this "self care" thing.
Until Next Time <3
Melissa
Monday, December 12, 2016
Battle of the Beauty Subscription Boxes
Lets Get Ready to... I was going to say "Rumble" but that doesn't sound quite right when talking about makeup/beauty subscription boxes. Anyway... (insert long awkward pause)
I love getting beauty subscription boxes. It's a happy surprise each month in the mail. And who doesn't love happy surprises as opposed to bills? Today I am putting Ipsy, Sephora Play, and Lip Monthly up against each other. May the odds be ever in your favor.
First up, Ipsy. I don't even know how long I have subscribed at this point. Three years? Its been a while. Ipsy is $10/mo and you get 5 items. Here is November's Glam Bag. Included in my bag are Elemis anti-aging day cream, Absolute New York Matte lipstick in Dark Red, Tarte Maracuja Oil, The Balm Mad Lash mascara, and a W20 Angled Eyew20 brush from SLMissGlam.
I did say five items and you can count, there are six. I had used my points in October to get the eyelashes. You get points for reviewing products, so it pays to review so you can cash in on extra items. Plus it helps to dial in what items you will like (30-40 are available each month) and which ones you aren't a fan of. An additional Ipsy benefit is items/brands featured each month typically have a coupon code so you can purchase full size items that were featured. Ipsy also does daily offers of beauty items (Monday-Friday). I think this is the biggest feature. I have gotten some crazy deals from this. Most recently I nabbed 2 full-size Besame lipsticks for $20. That's two for the price of one!
Next up in this battle royale is the new kid on the block, Sephora Play. I believe Sephora Play launched three months ago. I signed up after the first month and this is my second box. Just like Ipsy it's $10/mo. It comes with 5 items and a fragrance sample. The bonus of the Sephora Play box is that it comes with a 50 point bonus card that you can redeem with purchase. I don't know about you, but I love Sephora points. Just last month I cashed 1000 in for a really nice bag of deluxe size items from Urban Decay (which will be reviewing in a future blog).
Included in the November Play box is Pop by Stella McCartney, Glam Glow SuperMud Clearing Treatment, Sephora gel gloss in Pin-Up Pink, Cover FX Illuminating Primer, Dissolve The Drama 2 in 1 Cleaner by Estee Edit, and Caviar Stick Eye color in Rose Gold from Laura Mercier.
Last up is Lip Monthly. It is 4-5 items a month. I buy the four month blocks for $54 ($13.50/mo). It's a little more expensive but it's a combination of full sized items and deluxe size. Additionally, just last month they started to allow you to select the shades your lip items will be. I like having a little say over what I get beforehand. It's somewhat disappointing when you get a shade you really don't care for.
This month the Lip Monthly bag included a Luna lip gloss in Titania, a lipliner from Ofra in Maya, a lip crayon from Hikari in Duchess, and an anti-aging eye serum from Freeze 24*7.
Do we have a clear winner from these three boxes? In my opinion no. Each has positive qualities. Since Ipsy and Sephora Play are the same amount it's a little easier to compare the two since it's more apples to apples. I like the high end items (and bonus points) from Sephora Play, but I like getting full size items and tools (a girl can never have too many brushes) from Ipsy (plus coupon codes and daily offers). Is the extra $3.50/mo with Lip Monthly worth it? Some months yes, some months not so much. If there was one I was going to stop subscribing to it would be Lip Monthly. I like that they have added on the shade selection option and they are promising more changes. We will see what the future holds.
All three boxes appeal to my spoonie side. I love having items delivered right to me. Beauty items shipped right to my door at a value price? You are speaking my language! I also subscribe to the Wal-Mart Beauty Box, but that only comes in quarterly. That is $5/quarter and comes with some great samples and coupons. Oh, and Ulta, if you're listening, Sephora has thrown down. What do you have? Time to get in the ring.
Did my review help you? Are you currently subscribed to any of these? Are you subscribed to a box I didn't mention but I need to? Would you like me to review future months? Let me know dear reader! I love hearing from you.
Until Next Time,
Melissa
I love getting beauty subscription boxes. It's a happy surprise each month in the mail. And who doesn't love happy surprises as opposed to bills? Today I am putting Ipsy, Sephora Play, and Lip Monthly up against each other. May the odds be ever in your favor.
First up, Ipsy. I don't even know how long I have subscribed at this point. Three years? Its been a while. Ipsy is $10/mo and you get 5 items. Here is November's Glam Bag. Included in my bag are Elemis anti-aging day cream, Absolute New York Matte lipstick in Dark Red, Tarte Maracuja Oil, The Balm Mad Lash mascara, and a W20 Angled Eyew20 brush from SLMissGlam.
 |
| November Ipsy Glam Bag |
I did say five items and you can count, there are six. I had used my points in October to get the eyelashes. You get points for reviewing products, so it pays to review so you can cash in on extra items. Plus it helps to dial in what items you will like (30-40 are available each month) and which ones you aren't a fan of. An additional Ipsy benefit is items/brands featured each month typically have a coupon code so you can purchase full size items that were featured. Ipsy also does daily offers of beauty items (Monday-Friday). I think this is the biggest feature. I have gotten some crazy deals from this. Most recently I nabbed 2 full-size Besame lipsticks for $20. That's two for the price of one!
Next up in this battle royale is the new kid on the block, Sephora Play. I believe Sephora Play launched three months ago. I signed up after the first month and this is my second box. Just like Ipsy it's $10/mo. It comes with 5 items and a fragrance sample. The bonus of the Sephora Play box is that it comes with a 50 point bonus card that you can redeem with purchase. I don't know about you, but I love Sephora points. Just last month I cashed 1000 in for a really nice bag of deluxe size items from Urban Decay (which will be reviewing in a future blog).
 |
| November Sephora Play Box |
Included in the November Play box is Pop by Stella McCartney, Glam Glow SuperMud Clearing Treatment, Sephora gel gloss in Pin-Up Pink, Cover FX Illuminating Primer, Dissolve The Drama 2 in 1 Cleaner by Estee Edit, and Caviar Stick Eye color in Rose Gold from Laura Mercier.
Last up is Lip Monthly. It is 4-5 items a month. I buy the four month blocks for $54 ($13.50/mo). It's a little more expensive but it's a combination of full sized items and deluxe size. Additionally, just last month they started to allow you to select the shades your lip items will be. I like having a little say over what I get beforehand. It's somewhat disappointing when you get a shade you really don't care for.
 |
| November Lip Monthly |
This month the Lip Monthly bag included a Luna lip gloss in Titania, a lipliner from Ofra in Maya, a lip crayon from Hikari in Duchess, and an anti-aging eye serum from Freeze 24*7.
Do we have a clear winner from these three boxes? In my opinion no. Each has positive qualities. Since Ipsy and Sephora Play are the same amount it's a little easier to compare the two since it's more apples to apples. I like the high end items (and bonus points) from Sephora Play, but I like getting full size items and tools (a girl can never have too many brushes) from Ipsy (plus coupon codes and daily offers). Is the extra $3.50/mo with Lip Monthly worth it? Some months yes, some months not so much. If there was one I was going to stop subscribing to it would be Lip Monthly. I like that they have added on the shade selection option and they are promising more changes. We will see what the future holds.
All three boxes appeal to my spoonie side. I love having items delivered right to me. Beauty items shipped right to my door at a value price? You are speaking my language! I also subscribe to the Wal-Mart Beauty Box, but that only comes in quarterly. That is $5/quarter and comes with some great samples and coupons. Oh, and Ulta, if you're listening, Sephora has thrown down. What do you have? Time to get in the ring.
Did my review help you? Are you currently subscribed to any of these? Are you subscribed to a box I didn't mention but I need to? Would you like me to review future months? Let me know dear reader! I love hearing from you.
Until Next Time,
Melissa
Friday, November 11, 2016
Body Positivity And Learning To Love Yourself
What do you know about the body positive movement? Maybe you've seen a Dove ad with women of all shapes and sizes. Maybe you saw the Lane Bryant campaign of I'm No Angel. If you're on Instagram maybe you even follow Effyourbeautystandards. If you don't know about Body Positive, it's about accepting all shapes, sizes, and colors and celebrating them. It's about rejecting what we've been told is beautiful by the world (and mainly advertisers and the fashion industry) and finding the beauty everyone has.
I've been told by a number of people "I love your confidence" or "You're so brave to pose for pictures like that." When I get told these things it's almost if there is an unasked question of how do I get that confidence? Maybe some even think I've always had it (I haven't). I've been told these things enough that I've decided that I should make the keys to the kingdom into a blog.
For a very long time I derived my self-confidence and self-worth from the knowledge that I'm fairly intelligent. I did well in school. I learn things fast and I'm a great problem solver. I've never been a shy person and I'm quite happy to tell you my opinion. I would actually lose patience quite easily with people who couldn't keep up with intellectual conversation. When it came to beauty however, I didn't think much of myself. I didn't think I was a troll, but I didn't think of myself as pretty either. When my husband and I started dating he would tell me how beautiful I was and I would laugh at him. He was blinded by love! How sweet.
I continued on this path of deriving my self-worth from my intellegence and, after college, from my career. I was a great employee (I have the awards to back it up). So what happens when you get sick, doctor after doctor can't figure out why, and you eventually lose your job? Talk about having a bubble burst. Even though I was no longer working I was still intellegent. Which is just fine and dandy. Who am I going to prove it to? The walls of my house and my pets?
People with chronic conditions can really take a hit to their self-worth, especially if they are house bound. Plus there is the added bonus of weight gain with a lot of the medications. Nothing makes you feel more confident than getting larger and having your clothes no longer fit. Add to that having days where you can't get out of bed and you are living in your pajamas. You can really start to feel like you are nothing.
Three years ago I was fortunate enough to kind of stumble into a community of performance artists in Dallas who celebrate everyone. It wasn't just skinny people or traditionally beautiful people on stage. I saw large women on stage. I saw people who didn't fit the commercialized mold of beautiful. I was intrigued. I also started taking some dance classes. I felt uncoordinated and very unfit at first. I had lost a lot of what little coordination I had due to my fibromyalgia. But my dance teachers encouraged me and little by little it came back! As it came back I felt more confident; I held my head higher.
About this same time I was introduced to a local photographer and make up artist. Having my makeup done by Vivienne Vermuth is a game changer. You look into the mirror and you don't recognize yourself. Then you go in front of Dee Hill; as she shoots each picture she gives you words of encouragement. You hear things like "beautiful, oh wow, stunning!" Somewhere during the shoot your inner light comes on!
I've also done photoshoots with Shoshana Portnoy and her right hand make up artist LaDonna Stein. They are also amazing to work with and their finished product always shines! You can find them at Dallas Pinup.
Am I saying you must go do a photoshoot like this to get confidence? I'm not advocating that at all. What I am advocating is to find things that boost your confidence. What makes you feel good about yourself? "Nothing" is not the right answer. There is something amazing about you, I know it! Find that little nugget of amazing and grow it. The trick to confidence is you MUST learn to love yourself.
I can hear the objections already. Stop. Just stop. You are amazing. You are beautiful. You're right, I don't know you. But I do know every human being on this planet is beautiful. You are beautiful because you are unique. You are beautiful because there is only one of you. See where I'm going? That's right, start to love yourself. Find those things that make you YOU and flaunt them!
Find your tribe. Find the people who will encourage you. Get rid of the toxic people in your life. If they don't add to your existence, you don't need them. Surround yourself with people who love you just the way you are. This is your tribe. These are the people that will remind you how special you are in times where you don't see it yourself.
For my spoonies, I know this can be especially difficult, especially if you are housebound. That's okay. You have the internet and you've already found me. You can join my tribe. I have a bunch of friends who I only know through the internet. Nothing is worse than feeling alone. I know. Come join us so you don't have to go through your illness by yourself. There are people just like you all over the internet.
I hope this blog has helped you start the first step on loving yourself. If you need more enouragement, just let me know. I'm always happy to send love and encouragement through the internet.
Until Next Time,
Melissa
I've been told by a number of people "I love your confidence" or "You're so brave to pose for pictures like that." When I get told these things it's almost if there is an unasked question of how do I get that confidence? Maybe some even think I've always had it (I haven't). I've been told these things enough that I've decided that I should make the keys to the kingdom into a blog.
For a very long time I derived my self-confidence and self-worth from the knowledge that I'm fairly intelligent. I did well in school. I learn things fast and I'm a great problem solver. I've never been a shy person and I'm quite happy to tell you my opinion. I would actually lose patience quite easily with people who couldn't keep up with intellectual conversation. When it came to beauty however, I didn't think much of myself. I didn't think I was a troll, but I didn't think of myself as pretty either. When my husband and I started dating he would tell me how beautiful I was and I would laugh at him. He was blinded by love! How sweet.
I continued on this path of deriving my self-worth from my intellegence and, after college, from my career. I was a great employee (I have the awards to back it up). So what happens when you get sick, doctor after doctor can't figure out why, and you eventually lose your job? Talk about having a bubble burst. Even though I was no longer working I was still intellegent. Which is just fine and dandy. Who am I going to prove it to? The walls of my house and my pets?
People with chronic conditions can really take a hit to their self-worth, especially if they are house bound. Plus there is the added bonus of weight gain with a lot of the medications. Nothing makes you feel more confident than getting larger and having your clothes no longer fit. Add to that having days where you can't get out of bed and you are living in your pajamas. You can really start to feel like you are nothing.
Three years ago I was fortunate enough to kind of stumble into a community of performance artists in Dallas who celebrate everyone. It wasn't just skinny people or traditionally beautiful people on stage. I saw large women on stage. I saw people who didn't fit the commercialized mold of beautiful. I was intrigued. I also started taking some dance classes. I felt uncoordinated and very unfit at first. I had lost a lot of what little coordination I had due to my fibromyalgia. But my dance teachers encouraged me and little by little it came back! As it came back I felt more confident; I held my head higher.
About this same time I was introduced to a local photographer and make up artist. Having my makeup done by Vivienne Vermuth is a game changer. You look into the mirror and you don't recognize yourself. Then you go in front of Dee Hill; as she shoots each picture she gives you words of encouragement. You hear things like "beautiful, oh wow, stunning!" Somewhere during the shoot your inner light comes on!
 |
| Photo by Dee Hill. HAMU by Vivienne Vermuth |
I've also done photoshoots with Shoshana Portnoy and her right hand make up artist LaDonna Stein. They are also amazing to work with and their finished product always shines! You can find them at Dallas Pinup.
 |
| Photo by Shoshana Portnoy. HAMU by LaDonna Stein |
Am I saying you must go do a photoshoot like this to get confidence? I'm not advocating that at all. What I am advocating is to find things that boost your confidence. What makes you feel good about yourself? "Nothing" is not the right answer. There is something amazing about you, I know it! Find that little nugget of amazing and grow it. The trick to confidence is you MUST learn to love yourself.
I can hear the objections already. Stop. Just stop. You are amazing. You are beautiful. You're right, I don't know you. But I do know every human being on this planet is beautiful. You are beautiful because you are unique. You are beautiful because there is only one of you. See where I'm going? That's right, start to love yourself. Find those things that make you YOU and flaunt them!
Find your tribe. Find the people who will encourage you. Get rid of the toxic people in your life. If they don't add to your existence, you don't need them. Surround yourself with people who love you just the way you are. This is your tribe. These are the people that will remind you how special you are in times where you don't see it yourself.
For my spoonies, I know this can be especially difficult, especially if you are housebound. That's okay. You have the internet and you've already found me. You can join my tribe. I have a bunch of friends who I only know through the internet. Nothing is worse than feeling alone. I know. Come join us so you don't have to go through your illness by yourself. There are people just like you all over the internet.
I hope this blog has helped you start the first step on loving yourself. If you need more enouragement, just let me know. I'm always happy to send love and encouragement through the internet.
Until Next Time,
Melissa
Thursday, November 3, 2016
It's Been Awhile...Let's Catch Up
I stopped blogging over three years ago. I'm not sure why. But in the last few months I've been thinking I need to revive this blog and get back at it. So let's catch up (and three years is a lot of ground to cover, so grab a drink and settle in for a long one).
Through my jewelry and vending at various events I made some new friends and got involved in an amazing performance art community here in the Dallas area. In 2015 I even went to work part time for an amazing company. Overall life got better. I still had bad days but they seemed to be fewer. Life was pretty good for a couple of years.
Then on December 26th, 2015 my world was rocked. If you're friends with me on Facebook you know a little about this date. That's the day an EF4 tornado ripped through my hometown of Rowlett, Texas. This blog is the first time I've REALLY talked about how it affected me. It's been 10 months and I've written this blog in my head a thousand times, but I could never bring myself to really put it out there. Until now.
I like to keep things fairly upbeat. I don't hide the bad things or the not so good things. I've blogged about my fibromyalgia and my autoimmune disorder. I just try to not let them define me or use them to get attention or pity from others. I try to focus on good things or funny things. People don't need to know about my problems or how I really feel. They have their own issues. So why am I writting this blog? Because I feel this topic is too important to hide. So let's talk about the night of the tornado.
It was the day after Christmas. In fact it was a pretty nice day and we had the windows open. It was warm and beautiful. A cold front was expected later that night but thats not unusual. The weather varies in Texas. There was even a possibility of storms. As it became evening the threat of storms became greater, but I wasn't too concerned. I live on what is known as The Peninsula in Rowlett. We are on this strip of land in the middle of Lake Ray Hubbard. Traditionally severe weather has either gone to the north or to the south of us. I've lived here for 15 years and we had never had any severe weather related damage to out house or vehicles. I was so unconcerned I wasn't even watching the weather. It was a Netflix and chill kind of night.
My husband finally was said we should turn on the news and watch the weather. Okay fine. Another thing you need to understand is I grew up in Upstate New York. Winter weather doesn't phase me. Here in Texas, when we get ice and snow the local TV stations make it out to be there is an impending apocalypse. So I've come to ingore the "we're all going to die" hyperbole the local stations spew.
As the line of storms grew closer my husband went outside to watch. He's an Iowa boy and apparently tornadoes are events to be watched there. Not long after Aaron went outside to watch he came running back in saying we needed to take cover. Houses here do not have basements so taking cover means to go to the center of the house to a room with no windows. We attempted to get the dogs to go with us and about this point I could hear the awful sound a tornado makes. Three dogs went with Aaron. I was chasing down a fourth dog when the tornado hit. We lost power and you could hear everything hitting the house. It was terrifying and then it was over.
Flash lights were turned on. Damage was checked. Neighbors were checked on and loose dogs were put in our backyard as our fence was still standing. It was chaos. After things kind of calmed down here Aaron said we should go check on my parents' house. My parents were visiting my brother in North Carolina for Christmas and we were watching the house and feeding the cat. Back in 2014 my parents had purchaed a second house just two blocks from my house. We walked over there (there were shingles and nails sprinkled throughout the streets and my husband didn't want to replace tires on his truck) expecting to need to maybe board up some windows. We grabbed our cat carrier just in case we needed to grab Spike (the family cat). I was not prepared for what we were to find.
As you can see there was nothing left. This 3300 square foot house was just gone. Picking through the debris took a number of days and a number of volunteers. My parents got here as fast as they could. My brother came from North Carolina. A friend of my father's from NY came down. The damage was overwhelming.
For the first week after the tornado it was just go go go. Help recover items from the debris while there was light and clean recovered items and wash recovered laundry at night (once power was restored which was three days). At first I didn't sleep at night because there was stuff that needed done. I was also on Facebook a lot trying to keep up with the news. The tornado took a diagonal path across the peninsula.
My parents had lost everything, including a number of family heirlooms. My neighbors lost a lot. My neighborhood looked like a war zone. There was grief, loss, and devastation everywhere I looked. For about a week I physically was able to hold up; considering my fibromyalgia and autoimmune, this was an outstanding amount of time. After about a week I was forced to bed with a flair.
And then I was able to think, able to absorb everything that had happened. It also allowed me time to let the survivors guilt settle in. From there I spiraled downward. I was unable to sleep at night, even with the help of Ambien. I then tried Ambien and alcohol (which you're not supposed to do). I tried other combinations I won't go into. Night became a time of total terror. I was able to sleep during the day sometimes. I stopped leaving the house. I even hated to walk out my front door to get the mail. Eventually it got to the point where I rarely left the master bedroom.
For reasons I won't get into seeking professional help was not an option. I knew my mental state had gotten very bad. Any type of thunderstorm or threat of a storm triggered me. We had a near miss with our house (pretty minimal damage; houses literally across the street were total losses). Any storm felt like it was going to happen all over again but this time it would take us out. Some TV shows would trigger me. Anything with explosions that caused destruction were hard to watch.
Luckily I have some really amazing friends who I chat with via Facebook Messanger reguarly. One friend (Jane) was my rock. I don't know how I would have gotten through this horrible time without her. Another friend (Kate) gave me the suggestion that put me on my path to recovery. Kate suggested I take up gardening. Around April I started planting vegtables and herbs. Then I started a fairy garden. By the beginning of June I had transformed my backyard into a tranquil space. The work of creating a safe space and helping plants grow really helped to heal my devastation.
I started to go out with friends more. I'd still sometimes have panic attacks leaving the house. But I had to push through it. I even took a road trip with my mom and visited upstate NY twice (I flew up to help her drive to Texas to take care of some business, then helped her drive back three weeks later and flew home). Going back home and seeing long time friends (20 years+) also really helped to ground and recenter me. I came home from my second trip feeling better than I had in months.
If you've stuck with me this long, you're probably wondering why I wrote this large tome. I have two reasons. One, to bring awareness to things like depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I know a number of people that stuggle with these and I now have a better understanding of them. Obviously my poor mental state was caused by an event. I still get triggered occassionally but I'm working on healing. I know some people have depression and general anxiety and that is something you don't just get over. Those are conditions that need medication to be managed. For some reason there is a stigma attached with metal illness and there shouldn't be. We don't judge people who are diabetic or have heart conditions. I would like to see awareness raised for mental illness and the stigma eradicated.
My second reason for this blog is I want to get back to blogging so I see this post as a jump start. Earlier this year I started a Facebook group for people like me (Spoonies) who have a chronic condition. I started it out of a need to connect with others like myself. Little did I know how rewarding it would be to connect people so they can help and support others like them. It's powerful just to know you're not alone. I'd like to take it a step further and make this blog spoonie-centric. It will still be my random thoughts and it will still be all over the place. However my goal is to try to make it more focused on my spoonie lifestyle. It will still be applicable to everyone, just more suited to those of us with chronic conditions.
So there it is. I think we've caught up. I hope this blog finds you, my dear readers, well and I will catch you again soon.
Until Next Time (and not three years from now),
Melissa
Through my jewelry and vending at various events I made some new friends and got involved in an amazing performance art community here in the Dallas area. In 2015 I even went to work part time for an amazing company. Overall life got better. I still had bad days but they seemed to be fewer. Life was pretty good for a couple of years.
Then on December 26th, 2015 my world was rocked. If you're friends with me on Facebook you know a little about this date. That's the day an EF4 tornado ripped through my hometown of Rowlett, Texas. This blog is the first time I've REALLY talked about how it affected me. It's been 10 months and I've written this blog in my head a thousand times, but I could never bring myself to really put it out there. Until now.
I like to keep things fairly upbeat. I don't hide the bad things or the not so good things. I've blogged about my fibromyalgia and my autoimmune disorder. I just try to not let them define me or use them to get attention or pity from others. I try to focus on good things or funny things. People don't need to know about my problems or how I really feel. They have their own issues. So why am I writting this blog? Because I feel this topic is too important to hide. So let's talk about the night of the tornado.
It was the day after Christmas. In fact it was a pretty nice day and we had the windows open. It was warm and beautiful. A cold front was expected later that night but thats not unusual. The weather varies in Texas. There was even a possibility of storms. As it became evening the threat of storms became greater, but I wasn't too concerned. I live on what is known as The Peninsula in Rowlett. We are on this strip of land in the middle of Lake Ray Hubbard. Traditionally severe weather has either gone to the north or to the south of us. I've lived here for 15 years and we had never had any severe weather related damage to out house or vehicles. I was so unconcerned I wasn't even watching the weather. It was a Netflix and chill kind of night.
My husband finally was said we should turn on the news and watch the weather. Okay fine. Another thing you need to understand is I grew up in Upstate New York. Winter weather doesn't phase me. Here in Texas, when we get ice and snow the local TV stations make it out to be there is an impending apocalypse. So I've come to ingore the "we're all going to die" hyperbole the local stations spew.
As the line of storms grew closer my husband went outside to watch. He's an Iowa boy and apparently tornadoes are events to be watched there. Not long after Aaron went outside to watch he came running back in saying we needed to take cover. Houses here do not have basements so taking cover means to go to the center of the house to a room with no windows. We attempted to get the dogs to go with us and about this point I could hear the awful sound a tornado makes. Three dogs went with Aaron. I was chasing down a fourth dog when the tornado hit. We lost power and you could hear everything hitting the house. It was terrifying and then it was over.
Flash lights were turned on. Damage was checked. Neighbors were checked on and loose dogs were put in our backyard as our fence was still standing. It was chaos. After things kind of calmed down here Aaron said we should go check on my parents' house. My parents were visiting my brother in North Carolina for Christmas and we were watching the house and feeding the cat. Back in 2014 my parents had purchaed a second house just two blocks from my house. We walked over there (there were shingles and nails sprinkled throughout the streets and my husband didn't want to replace tires on his truck) expecting to need to maybe board up some windows. We grabbed our cat carrier just in case we needed to grab Spike (the family cat). I was not prepared for what we were to find.
 |
| Before and after of my parents' home |
As you can see there was nothing left. This 3300 square foot house was just gone. Picking through the debris took a number of days and a number of volunteers. My parents got here as fast as they could. My brother came from North Carolina. A friend of my father's from NY came down. The damage was overwhelming.
For the first week after the tornado it was just go go go. Help recover items from the debris while there was light and clean recovered items and wash recovered laundry at night (once power was restored which was three days). At first I didn't sleep at night because there was stuff that needed done. I was also on Facebook a lot trying to keep up with the news. The tornado took a diagonal path across the peninsula.
 |
| Aerial shot of the tornado path. The red dot is where my parents house was. I don't know who took the original aerial shot. |
My parents had lost everything, including a number of family heirlooms. My neighbors lost a lot. My neighborhood looked like a war zone. There was grief, loss, and devastation everywhere I looked. For about a week I physically was able to hold up; considering my fibromyalgia and autoimmune, this was an outstanding amount of time. After about a week I was forced to bed with a flair.
And then I was able to think, able to absorb everything that had happened. It also allowed me time to let the survivors guilt settle in. From there I spiraled downward. I was unable to sleep at night, even with the help of Ambien. I then tried Ambien and alcohol (which you're not supposed to do). I tried other combinations I won't go into. Night became a time of total terror. I was able to sleep during the day sometimes. I stopped leaving the house. I even hated to walk out my front door to get the mail. Eventually it got to the point where I rarely left the master bedroom.
For reasons I won't get into seeking professional help was not an option. I knew my mental state had gotten very bad. Any type of thunderstorm or threat of a storm triggered me. We had a near miss with our house (pretty minimal damage; houses literally across the street were total losses). Any storm felt like it was going to happen all over again but this time it would take us out. Some TV shows would trigger me. Anything with explosions that caused destruction were hard to watch.
Luckily I have some really amazing friends who I chat with via Facebook Messanger reguarly. One friend (Jane) was my rock. I don't know how I would have gotten through this horrible time without her. Another friend (Kate) gave me the suggestion that put me on my path to recovery. Kate suggested I take up gardening. Around April I started planting vegtables and herbs. Then I started a fairy garden. By the beginning of June I had transformed my backyard into a tranquil space. The work of creating a safe space and helping plants grow really helped to heal my devastation.
 |
| Collage of my Fairy Garden |
I started to go out with friends more. I'd still sometimes have panic attacks leaving the house. But I had to push through it. I even took a road trip with my mom and visited upstate NY twice (I flew up to help her drive to Texas to take care of some business, then helped her drive back three weeks later and flew home). Going back home and seeing long time friends (20 years+) also really helped to ground and recenter me. I came home from my second trip feeling better than I had in months.
If you've stuck with me this long, you're probably wondering why I wrote this large tome. I have two reasons. One, to bring awareness to things like depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I know a number of people that stuggle with these and I now have a better understanding of them. Obviously my poor mental state was caused by an event. I still get triggered occassionally but I'm working on healing. I know some people have depression and general anxiety and that is something you don't just get over. Those are conditions that need medication to be managed. For some reason there is a stigma attached with metal illness and there shouldn't be. We don't judge people who are diabetic or have heart conditions. I would like to see awareness raised for mental illness and the stigma eradicated.
My second reason for this blog is I want to get back to blogging so I see this post as a jump start. Earlier this year I started a Facebook group for people like me (Spoonies) who have a chronic condition. I started it out of a need to connect with others like myself. Little did I know how rewarding it would be to connect people so they can help and support others like them. It's powerful just to know you're not alone. I'd like to take it a step further and make this blog spoonie-centric. It will still be my random thoughts and it will still be all over the place. However my goal is to try to make it more focused on my spoonie lifestyle. It will still be applicable to everyone, just more suited to those of us with chronic conditions.
So there it is. I think we've caught up. I hope this blog finds you, my dear readers, well and I will catch you again soon.
Until Next Time (and not three years from now),
Melissa
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Handmade Wednesday featuring Melbe Creations
Handmade Wednesday
by Melissa Creamer, Crafter of Chrysalis Jewelry
Welcome to Handmade Wednesday. Each Wednesday, I will feature a crafter or artist you should know about! Are you ready to see who I have picked for this week? Let's get started.This week I am featuring Melissa of Melbe Creations. No worries, I am not going to be interviewing myself. Melissa B just happens to have an awesome first name! Melissa B is a artist/photographer from Minnesota. Let's find out about her wonderful art!
Portforlio
Etsy Store
Flickr
Blog
MC -Tell us a little bit about your handmade business
Melbe - I am a nature photographer that adds a twist to my
photographs. I create kaleidoscope/mandala
designs from my photographs. I isolate
the subject of my photo by making a freehand geometric cut. I then create multiple copies, mirror image
and realign them to create a seamless design.
This is done freehand and is not the product of an automatic
program. An automatic program is fun but
it distorts the subject of your photograph, creating an effect of literally
looking through a kaleidoscope. My
objective is to isolate my subject and kaleidoscope around it. I then translate my designs into prints,
pendants, suncatchers, paperweights, ceramic tiles and more!
 |
| My Hearts Desire Metal Pendant |
MC - How long have you been in business?
Melbe - I have been creating these designs for over 15 years. I used to create these designs with an actual
print, ruler and Exacto knife! Very
difficult to produce and they left a seam.
I stopped creating them for several years until I was able to design
electronically and eliminate the seam. I
launched an Etsy shop in March of 2010.
I followed up by participating in juried art fairs and this year I
launched my own website.
 |
| Feathered Fauna Suncatcher |
MC - Did your business start as a hobby?
Melbe - Yes, the last thought I had was showing my work and selling
my designs. I was absolutely terrified
to share my work. It took me several
months to work up the courage to approach a local store about carrying my
product. The owner was very supportive
and encouraged me to expand.
 |
| Petals Of Poise Trinket Box |
MC - Where do you get your design inspiration from?
Melbe - Cliché as it sounds nature is my inspiration. There is a
deeper reason than physical beauty. Nature does not care if you are having a
bad hair day, if your socks match, or if you are wearing a designer label.
Nature unconditionally accepts. My true inspiration flourishes from the inner
beauty of their society.
 |
| Nymph Nirvana glass paperweight |
MC - Tell us about a piece you designed that you are still
blown away by
Melbe - I would have to say that “My Heart’s Desire” would have to
be the piece I am most proud of. I am
proud of my wildlife photographs because of the time and patients it takes to
capture just the right image, but this design is my pride and joy. It is a photograph of an Asian Lady Slipper
flower. The image itself was not
difficult to capture, but creating the design I wanted was. I wanted to create hearts with the leaves and
the center. It took me several cuts to
get just the right angle. The image
itself has wonderful depth so the finished design as a three dimensional
effect.
 |
| My Hearts Desire |
MC - What project are you currently working on?
Melbe - I am always in pursuit of a new design but I have learned to
let nature take the lead. In the past I
would set out to capture a certain image and Mother Nature has showed me
something unexpected. The unexpected
images are the most rewarding. I have learned to let my designs happen
organically. The whole process is far
more rewarding. I do however have requests to create designs
from a sweet pea, peony, horses and more turtles. I have planted several flowers in my garden
as well that I am waiting to bloom to see if inspiration takes over. I am
working on translating my designs into my different products. Love Struck, my latest design, I am
translating into a pendant and suncatcher.
 |
| Monarch Melody |
MC- What is the one thing you have learned by trial and error
that you wish you could go back and tell yourself when you started?
Melbe -Let it happen
organically! Do not force your creative
process. I am a stubborn soul and
sometimes I will push to create a design that I want no matter how uninspired I
am. I have learned that my design will
come out flat…no emotion, and even I do not care for the design.
 |
| Auroras Aria |
MC - Spread the love. Tell us about another handmade business
you adore.
Melbe - Wow there is just so many artists that I adore and admire, It
is so hard to choose just one. I would
have to say I am blown away by Janice Winsor from Four Winds Farm Maine! She creates felted sculptures from
photographs that are so incredibly life I am amazed. She creates many other items that I adore as
well.
 |
| Four Winds Farm Maine |
MC- Free style. Tell me about anything I forgot to ask.
 |
| Bear Essentials |
Until Tomorrow
Melissa
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Handmade Wednesday featuring Shantastic Shine
Handmade Wednesday
by Melissa Creamer, Crafter of Chrysalis Jewelry
Welcome
to Handmade Wednesday. Each Wednesday, I will feature a crafter or
artist you should know about! Are you ready to see who I have picked for
this week? Let's get started.
This week I am featuring Shantastic Shine. Artist Shannon features just a little of everything in her eclectic collection from art to jewerlry. Lets find out about Shannon!
This week I am featuring Shantastic Shine. Artist Shannon features just a little of everything in her eclectic collection from art to jewerlry. Lets find out about Shannon!
MC - Tell us a little bit about your handmade business
SS - I sell a little bit of everything handmade at Shantastic Shine. My own work includes my artwork which is mostly done in acrylic paints or professional style paint markers. As far as artwork I do take commissions when I have time to work on them in my studio.
I also do a lot of hemp work and customized jewelry. I macramé over 20 necklaces and create dozens of custom orders a week to provide a customized experience and to get just what my customers are looking for.
MC -
How long have you been in business?
SS - I started selling things in my highschool years around 2008. I officially opened Shantastic Shine in 2010 after moving home from College in Pittsburgh to my hometown of Cumberland, Maryland. Where I currently am located and travel the surrounding areas for shows and events.
SS - I started selling things in my highschool years around 2008. I officially opened Shantastic Shine in 2010 after moving home from College in Pittsburgh to my hometown of Cumberland, Maryland. Where I currently am located and travel the surrounding areas for shows and events.
MC - Did your business start as a hobby?
SS - My little business started as a hobby but I knew I wanted to do something art related with my life. I enjoy sharing my ideas and love of all things arts and crafts with anyone interested in custom work. I knew a normal 9-5 job just wasn’t for me and my heart belonged in an art studio! I started making things for friends and family and before I knew it I had strangers calling for gifts and handmade jewelry, and so it began!
MC - Where do you get your design inspiration from?
SS-Colors, and Music. I try to use a lot of “color theory” in my work. Since art has been taken less seriously in my local schools than I think it should be I have noticed many people I talk to often don’t realize what colors mix to make which anymore. I often use the idea of colors like red and blue to make purple and use them on multiple canvas’ as well as blend them in my art whether it be painting or jewelry combinations.
I also use music a lot as motivation. A line in a song could inspire an entire painting for me. Or a rhythm behind a catchy chorus could become the idea for a new pattern for a background image.
MC - Tell us about a piece you designed that you are still blown away by
SS-One of my bar far favorite pieces is a stone wire wrap I made a few years ago. I loved it so much I still have it and wear it almost daily. It has gotten me so many compliments and I would like to believe sales. It has a Smokey Quartz, amethyst tourmaline and a few other small stones mixed into it. Since I have made it I have made several similar with custom stone requests for customers. They are time consuming but one of my favorite projects to make for people because they usually have special meanings for the stones they choose.
MC -
What is the one thing you have learned by trial and error that you wish you
could go back and tell yourself when you started?
SS-Not everyone appreciates
things as much as someone else. I often try to make everyone happy or appeal to
a wide variety of people. I have taught myself to create things that I think
SOMEONE will like and not EVERYONE that way when that someone finds it , it
means even more to them and they will truly appreciate it.
MC -
Spread the love. Tell us about another handmade business you adore.
SS-I truly admire Shirley over at the Orange Windmill or Tree’s Hide. She creates some very awesome leather bound books as well as other little leather accessories. I have received an amazing little green leatherbound mini journal that I have been scribbling my ideas in ever since. It’s very nicely made and I can’t wait to get another one soon!
SS-I truly admire Shirley over at the Orange Windmill or Tree’s Hide. She creates some very awesome leather bound books as well as other little leather accessories. I have received an amazing little green leatherbound mini journal that I have been scribbling my ideas in ever since. It’s very nicely made and I can’t wait to get another one soon!
MC -
Free style. Tell me about anything I forgot to ask.
SS-I am currently trying to reach 1,200 friends/fans on my facebook. Once I get to 1,200 friends I will be running a contest for either a Necklace, a painting, or a $20 gift card for ShantasticShine OR maybe ALL THREE.
ALSO get free shipping in my etsy shop if you use this code : SHANTASTICSHIPFREE
Thanks Shannon for dropping by for Handmade Wednesday and sharing your art with us! Be sure to tune in next week to see who is featured next!
Until Tomorrow
Melissa
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