Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Single White Female...A Cautionary Tale of Skyrim
I recently lost my husband of twelve years…to Skyrim. You could say that I’m a PlayStation widow. It all started off very innocently. The night before Thanksgiving Aaron and I were out running errands. Aarons says to me, “Do you mind if we stop at Best Buy? There is a new game out I would like to get.” This is not unusual - my husband is a gamer. So we stopped at Best Buy. If I had known then what I know now, I would have driven on by.
We get back to the videogame section and Aaron asks the very helpful sales associate if they still have copies of Skyrim. I politely stand by and wait. I had no idea what Skyrim was. I should have done my homework before I let that home wrecker into my house. The devil you don’t know is indeed very dangerous.
Aaron normally plays first person shooters (think Call of Duty) or fighting games (like Tekken or Mortal Kombat). The last thing I expected was a role-playing game. Actually, Aaron normally makes fun of role-playing games, or RPGs. I should have known then his gamer soul had been seduced by the dark side. Hind sight is 20/20.
Thanksgiving morning I got up to find Aaron playing Skyrim with my little brother watching. It’s bad enough to lose your husband, but that trollop wickedly seduced my brother as well. On the rare occasion that Aaron left her side, Chris was right there to keep her company. Why oh why did I let this harlot into my house? I feel so stupid.
At this point I am grateful to live in Texas where basements are not common. I can at least walk through the living room and catch a glimpse of my husband, however bittersweet that glimpse may be. He’s always with that tart, Skyrim. I always hear him talking about Nords and elves and leveling up. It seems Chris and Aaron now speak a different language, one I can barely understand.
I’ve been told I’m a good cook, or at least I used to be. Meals have gone uneaten. I have been unable to tempt them away from Skyrim with the delicious smells of the kitchen. Is there any hope left? I am grateful Aaron at least leaves Skyrim’s side to go to work. There is a plus side.
I think I may need to start a Widows of Skyrim support group. Would you be interested in joining me? Until tomorrow – Newly Single White Female – Melissa :(
*Editors note: Some of the information in this post *may* have been played up just a tad for comedic effect. Aaron’s a good guy really. Except when he’s killing dragons or orcs.